Boogie Bowl & Raise Some Dough For Equality School. A Candid Conversation With Caitlin Franco

Shake shake shake, shake shake, shake your bowling ball! It's for charity you know. Let me explain. I came across a press release for a fundraiser being put on by Equality Charter School.  Having been a bowler when I was a teen I thought this was pretty cool.  That led me to contact Caitlin Franco to find out more about the school and the fundraiser.  Caitlin welcome to Candid Conversations.

Caitlin Franco:  It’s my pleasure, thank you for having me.

Cliff T.:  First what is a charter school and how is it different from a so called regular school?

Caitlin  Franco: In brief, charter schools are public schools that are held strictly accountable for academic achievement results in exchange for autonomy from many of the rules and regulations of the traditional school system.  The Equality Charter School was authorized by the Chancellor of the New York City Public Schools and approved by the State Education Department Board of Regents.

Cliff T.:  I see that you have a unique way of admitting students, by lottery, that must create some interesting results?  For example what happens if a student comes into your school with special needs or who has a trouble past, how does that get handled?

Caitlin Franco:  We accept all children, regardless of previous academic achievement, behavioral concerns, or special education status.  Every child who comes to Equality has a fresh start and we make sure that they have the tools required to be successful in the future.  Because there is no screening in our lottery process, our student population is truly representative of the community.  Because of this, we have a special education population of approximately 21%, one of the highest of any charter school in New York City.  We teach students with disabilities in an inclusive environment, meaning that they are educated in the same classrooms as general education students.  The majority of our classrooms are co-taught with a general education teacher and a special education teacher.

Cliff T.:  I know this is a tough question to ask but, do kids drop out of your school?

Caitlin Franco:  No.  At this time, we have not had any dropouts.  Overall, we have a very low turnover rate for students. Students who leave are primarily because they are moving away. We have a very high parent satisfaction rate which is what contributes to our success.

Cliff T.: What is the school day like for the students and what do they get taught?

Caitlin Franco:  Scholars arrive to school at 8:30am if they would like a free breakfast. Classes start at 9:00am. Our scholars attend four 90-minute standards-based classes throughout the day. All scholars receive ELA (English Language Arts) and math instruction for one period each day. They receive social studies or science every other day.  And then they receive either Home and Careers, Art, or Physical Education/Health each day.  We believe in an engaging and academically rigorous environment – which is very difficult to achieve with scholars who range across all achievement levels.  Our teachers work very hard to accomplish this. In addition, we offer academic supports and extracurricular activities during lunch and after school, including book club, mathletes, debate team, small group instruction, eight sports teams, HW (homework) help, and more.

Cliff T.: Do you cover all the grades or a specific grade range?

Caitlin Franco:  At this time, we are grades 6-8.  We will be expanding in the 2014-2015 school year to the 9th grade, and then we will expand one grade level each year afterwards until we are a full 6th-12th grade school.

Cliff T.:  Just looking at and reading your website I see a strong positive attitude and a desire to really help your students.  Miss Franco besides the academics is there also an emphasis on community and team building as well as individual growth?

Caitlin Franco:  Yes, we emphasize community and team building on a regular basis.  We have worked hard to create a culture that welcomes scholars, parents, community members and staff.  We want our scholars to feel a part of something special.  We accomplish this through many different outlets.  We built a stronger relationship between our scholars, families, and local community when we had our annual food drive where our scholars and families donated enough food to feed 75 local families during the holiday season.  In addition, to build the relationships between staff and scholars we had a staff-scholar football game and a pep rally which were both exciting events that brought our school community together.  We also work hard to build community within our school between scholars through many means, such as a Student Council where scholars get a say in the school environment.  There are more than the three examples I just gave, but that should give you a clear idea of some of the ways that we build community and a feeling of teamwork throughout our entire school community.

Cliff T.:  How do you measure success and has any of your former students come back to the school to show current students what they have achieved by being a part of Equality Charter School?

Caitlin Franco:  Every scholar who enters Equality is measured differently in terms of success.  Yes, standardized tests are a part of the equation, but where a student has come from and the gains that they have made from beginning to end, the more experience they have had, the more well-rounded they are as young adults is just as important to us as are their academics.

In addition, we measure success by assessing if we have fulfilled every aspect of our vision.  Progress is something we should acknowledge, but true success is when your ultimate goals are met.  Our vision for this year is: Equality will have a firm commitment to supporting and consistently recognizing high academic achievement and social development.  At Equality, there will be a respectful, engaging, and academically rigorous environment where all staff and scholars believe that all scholars can achieve. Equality’s educational impacts will extend through service and connections to the Bronx community at large.

We have had several former scholars come back to visit, and at this time 5 of them volunteer on a weekly basis.  To me, this is an additional indicator of success.  Scholars have moved on to other schools, but they feel welcome in our environment and they look to us as a source of stability and support.

Cliff T.:  I noticed that you accept donations, do you get any government funding or is everything paid for by donation?

Caitlin Franco:  Our school is primarily funded by government money.  We get the same amount of money as public schools, yet we have to do more, such as fund our entire back office.  We have not relied on donations for our daily operations. 

Cliff T.:  Miss Franco, what or should I ask why this kind of school?   What was the draw for you to get involved with a charter school?   How long have you been at Equality?

Caitlin Franco:  I have been at Equality since the beginning.  We started to write the charter in 2007, and the school opened in 2009.  For me, it has been a labor of love.  It is a lot of work, but I have learned more in the past 2 ½ years from our scholars, families, and staff than I think I would have learned doing anything else. In addition, this school is a true opportunity for us to change the lives of students, who would not want to be involved in that?

Cliff T.:  This must be such a different feel from a public school.  Not only do you have to keep staff and students motivated you have to also keep the lights on.  How do you find the time to balance school life with school finances?

Caitlin Franco:  I am not the person who balances school life with school finances. I have to give credit to our amazing staff.  There is no way that this school would be where it is today without all of the amazing individuals that make our organization.  I especially have to give credit to Favrol Philemy, our Associate Principal, and Gabriel Park, our Director of Finance and Operations.

Cliff T.:  Speaking of funding, Miss Franco, lets talk about your fundraiser.  I love the concept, having been a bowler when I was teen.  How did you come up with a charity bowl?

Caitlin Franco:  We have never had a fundraiser before.  When we discussed our options, what was most important to us was that it would be a community building event.  Bowling seemed the perfect way to accomplish that! Our fundraiser is more about bringing everybody together than to raise money.  Our hope is that this will become an annual event that our school community looks forward to each year to enjoy each other and celebrate all of our accomplishments.

Cliff T.:  How does one go about getting tickets for the event and can a team of bowlers participate in the event?

Caitlin Franco:  Please visit www.bowlforequality.org for more information on the event.  Through this link, you can sign up to attend the event or to donate money if you cannot attend.  Even a donation of $5 helps us!  Your donations help to fund our scholars to bowl for free and participate in this wonderful community event.

Cliff T.:  Besides the disco bowling are there going to be any special things that people can look forward to I.e. trophies and other door prizes?

Caitlin Franco:  There will be a raffle. We are in the process of obtaining raffle prizes, so they will have to stay a secret for now!

Cliff T.:  And, when and where are you holding the event and what will the proceeds do for Equality?

Caitlin Franco:  The event will be held at Bowlmor in Union Square in New York City on March 4th from 10am-4pm. The proceeds will first and foremost help to fund our scholars attend the event free of charge. The remaining proceeds go to Equality Charter School and its scholars.

Cliff T.:  Well Miss Franco you sure do have a challenge ahead, I hope you have a great time and thanks for speaking with me and my readers.

Caitlin Franco: Thank you again for your interest in Equality.  It has been a pleasure.

Caitlin Franco is the principal at Equality Charter School. For more information about the school and to donate you can go to their website at http://www.equalitycharterschool.org/ Miss Franco wrote to us from the school located in the Bronx NY.

Football (Soccer) & Vampires? Find Out More In This Candid Conversation With Martin Tracey Author Of Beneath The Floodlights

What do football players or as we say here in North America soccer players and vampires have in common. Well each has a goal in mind. Football players like to score points and vampires like to score blood. Outside of that I can't see what else they have in common but, author Martin Tracey does. He his book Beneath the Floodlights. The book tells the tale of a team that is in bad shape and in need of divine intervention so to speak. The intervention does come in the form of a new manager and a crew of players who seem to possess incredible skills. Little do most folks know including some of the teams players that the manager and his crew are vampires and the Manager is on a quest to clone the first vampire. But, there are some slight problems that the manager encounters. I got in touch with Martin Tracey to discuss the book.

Cliff T.: Mr Tracey, or Martin welcome to Candid Conversations.

Martin Tracey: Hi Cliff, Martin is fine. Thanks for the opportunity to discuss Beneath the Floodlights.

Cliff T.: Pardon the pun but, I would like to sink my teeth into this right off the bat, so to speak. Vampires and football an interesting combo. Tell me how did you come up with the plot?

Martin Tracey: I have always been fascinated with the supernatural and horror since a small child be it ghosts, werewolves or vampires. I remember in particular around the age of 9 or 10 watching Salem’s Lot starring David Soul and it just fueled my already existing active imagination. Also like most Englanders I have always been hooked on football. In England football is a massive cultural entity which significantly dominates a variety of social circles and is very much a way of life for many individuals in this country. The team I follow is Wolverhampton Wanderers and their nickname is Wolves so I initially had the idea to have werewolves taking over a football team, but the more I thought about the plot I felt that vampires had more scope to develop the story. To many the idea of the worlds of football and vampires colliding may seem a very unique storyline, but to me it made sense to marry the two worlds together because I am writing about two subjects that really inspire me. I decided to make Cezar a Professor in Football to allow the scope for him to run a School of Football Excellence and be a credible expert in the sport and I thought if he was also a Professor in Genetics I could develop the plot of him extracting DNA to make a clone. If Cezar purchased a large enough residence he could set up both his school and laboratories at the same location. Birmingham is a major city in England yet it is surrounded by ample countryside so I decided to have the residence set up in rural Staffordshire, close to the Shropshire borders which is rural enough to possess a private dwelling yet is close enough to Birmingham for Cezar and his vampire footballers to travel to the football ground.

Cliff T.: In the book it looks like there are 4 characters that are central to the plot Johnny, the professor a girl and another vampire. How do they interact with each other?

Martin Tracey: Johnny Knox is a local boy done good. He epitomizes every school boy’s dream in that he is playing for the team he supported as a child, in this case the fictitious Birmingham team of Kingsbarr United. He is club captain and would give blood for the good of his team (you will have to read the book to see if he literally has to!) He is also a strong family man and he would die for his family without a moment’s hesitation. Johnny is haunted by the disappearance of his son some years earlier but has a daughter and also finds himself adopting a Romanian child during the course of the book. When Professor Cezar Prodanescu, the master vampire from Transylvania manages the team, he recognizes Johnny’s loyalty to the club and also his ability as a player and captain. It is never on Cezar’s agenda to compromise Johnny’s position on the team hence one of the reasons he wishes to keep his vampirism secret. Cezar is the head of a raging vampire nest which doubles as a School of Football Excellence and the most promising prospect from this school is Andrei who is a fantastic footballer and is as prolific at scoring goals as he is drinking the blood of humans. It is Andrei who helps Cezar unearth the grave of the world’s first vampire which is secretly in Sutton Park (Birmingham’s equivalent of Central Park where King Henry VIII once hunted deer) so that Cezar can attempt to extract the DNA from the ancient bones in a bid to make a clone. Whilst in Birmingham Andrei unsuspectingly falls in love with a human girl called Lily and much of the book features on his struggle to protect her from the vampire world which torments him as it is against his very being: as a master vampire he is programmed to lead the way in drinking human blood to augment his vampire race. The old saying of “opposites attract” couldn’t be more appropriate as the sweet, young innocent Lily is totally at odds to all that Cezar stands for. Andrei doesn’t share his master’s desire to protect the humans that have complemented their lives and this clash between master and servant leads to dramatic consequences. There are other strong characters in the book, for instance some of the other human footballers: Jody who loves all things 1980s, winger Charlie Cheng - a Chinese Kung Fu expert and Italian playboy Giuseppe. The products of the School of Football Excellence/Vampire nest who spectacularly merge into the team are all latter-teenage orphans mainly from the countries of Romania and Brazil. Another strong character that features is Kingsbarr fan Gene who also happens to be a seasoned vampire slayer. 

Cliff T.: Is there a bit of you injected into the book?

Martin Tracey: Sub-consciously perhaps but not intentionally. There are traits of me in Johnny I guess, my family are my main priority in life and I like to think I have strong values around loyalty but I could never play football as well as him. In fact most of the time I was a goalkeeper when I played! Many of the locations I’ve used around Birmingham and Sutton Coldfield are inspired by the love I have of my home city so when I reflect on the drinking bars of Broad Street for example some of my life experiences possibly seep through.

Cliff T.: Martin, it's mentioned that you aim to be realistic while still writing in such a way that the reader will feel the horror as well, how difficult was that for this book? And, what did you do to ensure some reality was sprinkled into the fiction?

Martin Tracey: Very good question. If certain characters are portrayed as being traditionally cynical but then become exposed to a supernatural situation that they are forced to accept I think this gives an element of realism to the story. I try to get the reader to identify with the character and consider “well if that could happen to Johnny then could it happen to me?” I get the characters to question the situation they are exposed to until they themselves come to the conclusion that they must have experienced something they could not believe possible but there indeed can be no other logical explanation other than they have experienced a supernatural occurrence. Also by placing the characters in more familiar situations and by balancing fact with fiction, this is more likely to draw the reader in when the more horrific situations occur. Many of us have fears lurking in our subconscious anyway: for example how many of us have got into a car alone late and night and found ourselves checking the back seat of the car expecting a presence to be there? Many of us have involuntary fears that can be brought to the surface if manipulated well enough.

Cliff T.: Besides this book I see that you working on two others Mind Guerrilla and Divine Inspiration, what can readers look for in these two books?

Martin Tracey: Mind Guerrilla tells the story of a tough and uncompromising Birmingham cop named Judd and his superior and friend William. They are presented with the need to catch a very unorthodox serial killer and this leads Judd uncomfortably back to a previous time in his life when he was a football hooligan. Unfortunately football hooliganism was a very big problem in Britain in the 70s and 80s but in the book its ugly mark on football has developed to a more sophisticated level. William is suffering from a debilitating illness which affects his physical being but he has always possessed a gift of telekinesis and as his illness deteriorates his telekinetic powers actually increase and this helps him assist Judd in readdressing a travesty in justice whilst at the same time seeking to avenge his sister’s misfortune at the hands of a religious cult.

An abridged version of Divine Inspiration was once published as a short story in Words magazine but I am developing it into a novel. It tells the story of a failing Rock Star who is helped from beyond the grave to try and resurrect his career. It is a proper haunted house story where Jack, the Rock Star, returns to his native Peak District in Derbyshire and purchases a creepy old mansion with a piano that seems to play on its own accord.

Cliff T.: When did you get interested in horror and why did you choose vampires for this book?

Martin Tracey: As I mentioned earlier, since I was a child horror is something that has just always fascinated me, I remember watching the old Hammer Horror films and just fell in love with them. A particular favorite is The Curse of the Werewolf starring my favorite actor of all time Oliver Reed. At a very young age my mates and I would discuss the films and invent stories about seeing ghosts – eventually convincing ourselves that the stories were real. We even kept a log book with drawings and particulars about the respective ghosts! I have never experienced anything supernatural to my knowledge but when you have an active imagination the entity of the unknown is very appealing and I keep an open mind about these things. I chose vampires because I liked the idea of their powers increasing under the darkness of the English winter sky i.e. Beneath the Floodlights. In my book vampires have evolved to stand sunlight but like other nocturnal creatures they perform best in darkness.

Cliff T.: I am assuming that the books are geared to sport and music and horror lovers, or do you have a wider audience in mind?

Martin Tracey: The book is first and foremost geared to an audience who is comfortable with mature themes. The book is about modern day footballers so swearing is par for the course. I have always been intrigued how the bite of a vampire is quite sensual in many vampire tales that I have seen and read, with the victim succumbing to the bliss that they encounter, so I have exploited this theory in the book. There are some musical references in the book mainly due to Jody’s love of 80s music and the team blast out CDs in the dressing room as a method of pre-game preparation. If the reader likes sport, music or horror then they won’t be disappointed but I believe the portrayal of the struggle Cezar has with his emotions around Lily and the human footballers allows the more sensitive and romantic reader to enjoy the book as well. There are also sprinklings of history in the book including that of British monarchs.

Cliff T.: Martin I noted that besides writing books you also do some acting and writing. Are these full time jobs for you or do you have a day job as well?

Martin Tracey: By day I work as a Performance and Analysis Manager and by night (and at weekends) I juggle my other interests whilst foremost being a husband and dad. These days the acting is very limited but I did land a part in a zombie film, called ZombieHood, which is set in Nottingham and I believe is due for release sometime this year. Both my youngest daughter and I play zombies (she needed the grotesque make up more than I) but my eldest daughter has a speaking part as the news reader who reports on the mayhem that the Zombies are causing across Nottingham. Before writing novels I concentrated on writing songs and played in a few bands around Birmingham. I had some success in the music business supporting the Fine Young Cannibals at one very special gig and I have a song called “Raging Bull” on the CD “Old Gold Anthems – the songs of Wolverhampton Wanderers”.

Cliff T.: I see that people can get the book from Amazon, can they buy the book via you're website and get copies in stores?

Martin Tracey: There is a link on my website to contact me directly to buy a signed copy; obviously UK readers can post me a cheque in sterling. I would not wish to alienate my overseas readers so if they contact me through my site in the first instance I could easily arrange to email them a PayPal invoice so they too can purchase a signed copy. I believe that they do not even need to have a PayPal account themselves to do this. In the UK the book is available in Waterstone’s store. The book is also available at Barnes and Noble, the AuthorHouse online bookstore and several other outlets.

Cliff T.: Martin it's been great to chat with you here on Candid Conversations. All the best with the books and other things you are up to.

Martin Tracey: Many thanks Cliff; I’d be happy to chat again sometime perhaps when I release other publications. All the best for now or as we say in Birmingham “Tara for a bit!”

Martin Tracey, author of the book Beneath the Floodlights, a tale of vampires and football. The book can be purchased from Amazon.co.uk/com in print and electronic version for the Kindle. Mr. Tracey also has a website www.martintracey.co.uk. Martin Tracey wrote to us from Birmingham U.K.

The First Candid Conversation Of 2012, With Renowned Hypnotist Debbie Papadakis

Hypnosis is a fascinating subject to dive into. Recently I came across a press release for an event that is going to take place in January. World Hypnosis Day is on January 4th and there is an open house and workshop taking place in Toronto featuring Debbie Papadakis the founder and head of Hypno Healing Institute where the open house and workshop will be held. Debbie Papadakis has become somewhat of a celebrity having been featured in the National Post, Toronto Star and Oprah's O Magazine, Elle Canada, Zoomer & O’s Big Book of Happiness.

Cliff T.:  Debbie nice to have you here on the Candid Conversations blog.

Debbie Papadakis:  Thank you Cliff, it is a pleasure to be here.

Cliff T.:  Reading the press release I noted that part of the event is meant to give the public a chance to speak to you regarding the benefits of hypnosis as well as dispelling myths about hypnosis. I know for myself the most I have seen is the odd TV show where a Hypnotist gets people to act like animals or do other silly things. The notion that this is a circus stunt must be a real challenge to deal with.

Debbie Papadakis:  Yes, my purpose in hosting an Open House Gala & Workshop on World Hypnotism Day, January 4, 2012 is to facilitate a dialogue with the public and media highlighting the true power and effectiveness of hypnosis and dispelling the misconceptions surrounding it. It allows me to address the notion or myth that hypnosis is a circus stunt. The most important thing is having an open mind. Like most things in life, our belief in what we do has a huge impact on the results. The challenge lies in raising widespread awareness and reaching those people that are afraid to even come see a hypnotist as a possible solution to their problems, especially when conventional methods have failed. When in a hypnotic state a person doesn’t lose their power to the hypnotist. Hypnosis is a collaborative process between a trained and experienced hypnotist and the client in that the hypnotist acts as a facilitator or guide to assist the client to go past their conscious mind into the subconscious and uncover the root cause of their problem. E.g. Fear, anxiety, beliefs etc. So a person will not behave out of character when hypnotized because they still have the ability to choose whether or not the ‘suggestion’ by the hypnotist is in keeping with their true self.

Cliff T.:  What are the most common myths that you face daily when it comes to hypnosis?

Debbie Papadakis:  Some people fear losing control, power, not coming out of hypnosis, divulging secrets, and behaving silly. Others believe they will not remember anything because they would have been asleep through the process. In fact ‘hypnosis’ is a heightened state of awareness which means we are highly alert and remember whatever we allow ourselves to remember.

Cliff T.:  Another problem of course are those out there that think they can self-hypnotize themselves or others, what are your thoughts on this issue?

Debbie Papadakis:  At Hypno Healing Institute we do teach our clients & students self-hypnosis techniques to empower them to help themselves. This allows them to get into a relaxed state at their own will. However when dealing with complex issues with oneself or others it is recommended to work with a trained and experienced hypnotist.

Cliff T.:  So in short no one should try hypnosis unless they are properly trained.

Debbie Papadakis:  Once you learn self-hypnosis you can hypnotize yourself to give yourself positive suggestions to enhance your day to day life. What most people don’t know is that we are already hypnotized for three quarters of a day everyday of our lives! For example when watching TV if someone calls your name and you don’t register it and continue to be focused on your show, it is because you are in a hypnotic state, which is basically a heightened state of concentration and focused attention. When working with others we recommend that you take the Professional Hypnosis Certification Training with a reputable association and school such as NGH or IMDHA.

Cliff T.:  Now that we have that clear, besides smoking and other bad habits, what else can a hypnotist help a person deal with?

Debbie Papadakis:  A hypnotist can help with:

• Sleep issues
• Overcoming fears, shyness, 
• Eliminating addictions 
• Releasing anger 
• Improving relationships 
• Weight management 
• Performance Enhancement – Children & Adults 
• Improve learning, adopt healthy habits, overcome obstacles (exam anxiety), maximize career potential, enhance sports performance, improve memory and concentration. 
• Creating abundance in all areas of life 
• Raising self-esteem/confidence 
• Clearing negative emotions and limiting beliefs that hold you back 
• Reducing stress and anxiety 
• Learning to relax 
• Connecting with and exploring your spiritual self 
• Discovering your life purpose 
• Freeing the blockages that keep you from reaping life’s awards 
• …and more!

Cliff T.:  From what I read on your web page Debbie, your specialty is to help heal the body through the release of painful feelings and emotions. By releasing feelings and emotions what effect does that have on the body?

Debbie Papadakis:  Through Hypnosis we can tap into our hidden/latent power, dispel fears, negative emotions and limiting beliefs, thereby healing our mind & body. This allows us to make positive, lasting changes in our lives in order to reach our full potential. We all know that stress can have detrimental effects on our mental and physical health. Releasing negative feelings and emotions allows the body to relax by releasing toxins (detox), shedding the excess emotional weight that bogs us down, reducing stress, re-aligning the body into a balanced state, promoting restful sleep, improving digestion and boosting the immune system overall. 

Cliff T.:  Could someone who has a medical condition benefit from hypnosis?

Debbie Papadakis:  Yes. However when we work with someone who has a medical condition, we always request a doctor’s referral and work in conjunction with the doctor. For example Hypnosis can help manage chronic pain and is also used in surgical procedures in lieu of anesthesia.

Hypnosis is a very reliable and relevant treatment option and has proved successful in treating many mental and physical ailments, when the person is open and receptive to the suggestions. In order to understand how hypnosis works we must first understand how the mind works.

The Conscious Mind holds all the analytical & rational information with short-term (temporary) memory and is responsible for thinking and the questioning. This is the chatter that occupies a person’s mind and leads to conflict and distress. The Subconscious Mind stores all of the emotions, beliefs, feelings, habits and worries. It works like an organic computer. This part of the mind knows and retains everything that happens 24 hours a day and impacts our thoughts, behavior, habits etc. The Unconscious Mind is the domain of our automatic functioning affected by both the conscious and the subconscious. 

Once we understand how the mind works we can see the correlation between our conscious and subconscious mind, emotions and how that affects our health.

Cliff T.:  Debbie besides healing in the body and the mind are there other things that hypnosis help people do, like finding hidden talents and skills?

Debbie Papadakis:  Yes, Hypnosis targets and accesses the subconscious mind and reveals the root cause of a person’s problem. By releasing blockages, negative emotions & limiting beliefs that hold us back from moving forward we uncover qualities, talents, skills etc. that were hidden underneath our “issues”. For example I had a client who was working on a novel, and was feeling stuck. She had many limiting beliefs that were working against her. After a few sessions, and releasing these beliefs & blockages not only was she able to complete the novel, but also found a major publisher who published her book.

Cliff T.:  I have done a few speaking engagements and one of the things I often feel is stage fright, the idea that I might bomb during a presentation gives me a bit of the hebe geebies, so to speak. Can hypnosis help people like actors, runners or politicians get in their groove so to speak?

Debbie Papadakis:  Yes. Yes. Yes! Fear of Public speaking is a very common and universal issue that can be easily resolved with hypnosis. This is because this ‘fear’ like the rest of the emotions resides in the subconscious. Hypnosis allows us to access the subconscious very quickly and deal with the fear directly as opposed to dealing with it logically at the conscious level.  

Cliff T.:  I am assuming that you would walk a person through a situation while under hypnosis so they could run through what it might be like in front of a live audience.

Debbie Papadakis:  Yes I role play with the client and through questioning find out what emotions they are experiencing while imagining a particular situation, for example public speaking. I trace the emotion by regressing the person to find the root cause of that specific emotion e.g. fear and resolve it at its point of origin. You have to understand that the subconscious does not differentiate between reality and imagination. In this case even though the person will imagine they are speaking in front of people their emotions are real. Once the original trauma is dealt with it has a domino effect, in that the subconscious automatically traces and transforms all subsequent situations to a positive or neutral state

Cliff T.:  Besides helping people walk through a situation a lot of focus is now being placed on prevention of illness and increasing wellness in people. Can and does hypnosis offer a way to prevent illness or reduce it? I guess what I am asking Debbie is it possible to train the mind to keep the body healthy through hypnosis?

Debbie Papadakis:  Yes it certainly is possible to train the mind to keep the body healthy. Hypnosis can help in this process by reprogramming or transforming the negative thoughts, beliefs, feelings, emotions that translate from the mind to the body. If the mind sends positive and healthy signals to the body, the body responds similarly. The same is true of the opposite scenario. How hypnosis helps is by re-recording our old negative tapes i.e. transforming negative messages to positive messages which act like filters for all new information.

Cliff T.:  During my introduction I noted that you are going to be hosting an open house and workshop at the Hypno Healing Institute. The workshop entitled Unleash Your Power Through Hypnosis sounds very interesting. Debbie can you give a bit of insight on what you'll be teaching in the workshop?

Debbie Papadakis:  The workshop ‘Unleash Your Power though Hypnosis’ - It is our birthright to live freely and experience love, peace and happiness, is designed in three parts: 

Part 1: A 40 minute presentation on hypnosis to facilitate an understanding of how limitations affect our life, understanding our unconscious behaviors and how we can use the hidden & incredible power of our mind to manifest the life we desire. 

Part 2: Volunteer Demonstration. We will ask one of the group members to volunteer for a demonstration (usually we have many pe4ople interested in this process) whereby the group will see how the process works and the volunteer will be hypnotized and an issue of their chose will be cleared. 

Part 3: Group Hypnosis. We will hypnotize the entire (willing) audience and have them go through some exercises to clear emotional obstacles in order for them to realize their full potential

Cliff T.:  And, where can people get more info about the open house, workshop and Hypno Healing Institute's programs and services?

Debbie Papadakis: Our office is located at 355 Keele St, Toronto, Ontario M6P-2K6, Visit our website at www.hypno-healing.com, call our office at 416.760.8996 / toll-free 1.888.758.3223 or email us: info@hypno-healing.com

Cliff T.:  I touched briefly on the need to be trained to properly do hypnosis. What does it take to become a hypnotist?

Debbie Papadakis:  In order to become a hypnotist you require proper training from a qualified school and trainer, a desire and willingness to help people, dedication to the profession, personal ethics and code of conduct.

Cliff T.:  What drew to this kind of work?

Debbie Papadakis:  I’ve always known I wanted to help people somehow. I’ve also been very interested in human personalities and philosophy and read the works of Plato, Aristotle and Kazantzakis early in life. The human mind has always been of interest to me and I pursued a degree in Spiritual Psychotherapy followed by various other training courses from different institutions around the world. My contribution to a recently published book ‘Adventures in Manifesting’ talks about how I’ve aligned with my life’s purpose.

Cliff T.:  I know that you have probably helped hundreds of people in your career but, I have to ask is there one incident that sticks out in your mind as being the most interesting or satisfying.

Debbie Papadakis:  One of the most memorable and personally gratifying incidents involved a student of mine who was disabled, unable to walk without assistance for ten years. During the class I was demonstrating how to take a person to higher levels of consciousness and through this process this student regained his ability to walk by himself. He now travels world-wide teaching and healing others.  

Cliff T.:  Debbie I must say I could go on and on but, time and space well they are kind of short. It's been interesting to speak with you. All the best for 2012 and of course on January 4th during the open house and workshop at the Hypno Healing Institute.

Debbie Papadakis: Thank you Cliff. It was a pleasure being interviewed by you. I wish you, your family and your readers a happy, healthy & prosperous 2012. 

Debbie Papadakis, BCH, CI, is a Master Hypnotist, sought-after Sleep Deprivation Specialist, Spiritual Psychotherapist, Reiki Master and Author. She is an National Guild of Hypnotists & International Medical & Dental Hypnotherapy Association Certified Instructor, president of the NGH Ontario Hypnosis Chapter featured in Oprah’s ‘O’ Magazine, O’s Big Book of Happiness, OWN Oprah’s Network, ELLE Canada Magazine, Zoomer Magazine, WTN Women’s Network’s Remedy Me!, Slice TV’s Newlywed Nearly Dead, CTV’s Positive Living, Oprah.com, CNN.com/living, Omni Television (Edo Kai Tora), ACE Fitness Magazine, Money Sense Magazine, Canadian Business Online Toronto Star, Toronto Sun, National Post and more.

She has been honored with the NGH 2005 Hypnotism Achievement Award, and was selected as an Award Winning Hypnotist to present her “Put Insomnia To Sleep” workshop at the 2005 NGH Solid Gold conference in Las Vegas, also included in the October 2006 “Most Powerful Women in Hypnosis” panel (IMDHA/IACT).

She continues to train professionals about sleep improvement with her “Unlock the Door to Sleep Improvement” seminar & improving relationships with “The Relationship Code” workshop. Debbie is the founder of the Decording™ technique which is assisting people to heal all of their relationships. Her ability to communicate with the unconscious mind works in synergy towards the release of painful feelings and emotions that are stored in the body. Debbie’s techniques allow the body to regain its health. Her goal is to awaken the fearless self in each of us. Debbie is the Director of the Hypno Healing Institute in Toronto, CA. She brings a wealth of knowledge to her clients & students with courses in the field of Hypnosis, NLP, Time Line Therapy™ and Reiki at all levels.

 Contact Info:
 Debbie Papadakis, BCH, CI
 Hypno Healing Institute Inc.
355 Keele Street, Toronto,
 ON M6P 2K6
 Phone: 416 760 8996 / Toll Free: 1.888.758.3223
 Email: debbie@hypno-healing.com
 Website: www.hypno-healing.com

I reached her via email at the Hypno Healing Institute.  Where on January 4th she will host an open house from 1 to 3 PM and then a workshop later that evening from 6:30 PM to 9:30 PM entitled Unleash Your Power Through Hypnosis.  

Au Savon de Marseille les Grands Ballets Canadiens & The Nutcracker Market. What Do They Have In Common? Ahh Read Below To Find Out

It's November and we all know what that means, next month Christmas. Already in the works are a variety of partys and events to celebrate the season. One event that is coming up in the Montreal area is the Nutcracker Market. The event is held each year near the end of November and goes into the first week of December. It is run by les Grands Ballets Canadiens. The event raises funds for the troop's youth program.

One of the companies that will be participating in the event is Au Savon de Marseille. The company sells soaps from the Marseille region of France here in Quebec. I contacted Stephane Thibaud to find out more about the company and what drew him to the Nutcracker Market. Stephane thanks for being a part of Candid Conversations.

Stephane Thibaud: Thank you Cliff for highlighting our participation in the Nutcracker Market. It is the second edition and this Christmas market really deserves to be known by the public. As you mentioned, it is also a philanthropic event. 

Cliff T.: I have to admit I have not heard of Au Savon de Marseille. From what I can see your an online retailer. How long have you been selling soap for?

Stephane Thibaud: You can wish us happy birthday. We have been selling soaps for exactly two years this month. In fact our website was launched as a fast and a low cost way to test the potential of this great soap in Canada. Now we are ready to move on. Opening a street store is one of our options but, we also want to develop and improve our wholesale capacity. Already Le Marché Vert in Saint-Sauveur and La Maison Oléa in Bromont are offering our Marseille soaps. 

Cliff T.: Now from what I read on your site Marseille soaps have been around for a long time, since the 16th century, what makes this soap unique? 

Stephane Thibaud: The first soap was made in Marseille in 1360 but, in the 16th century is the very beginning of the industrial era of the Marseille soap. The success of this soap can be summed up in four simple facts: efficient while being safe, versatile, and long-lasting. Efficient and safe because it does what it is supposed to do: cleaning up without pretending to get your skin younger or things like that. It is a well known soap among people who have skin irritation or people who have to clean up their hands often. Considered as a hypoallergenic soap, mothers use it to wash their baby clothes. Versatile: we can use the very same Marseille soap for our personal hygiene and use it as a household cleanser, laundry soap and even as a natural insecticide (it kills aphids). Its properties are very well known in Europe but I must admit this is something not so easy to explain here in North America. We have been told for decades to buy one product for the kitchen, one to clean up our clothes, a different soap for our toes and and another one for our hands. But, Marseille soaps do all those tasks, even better and safer than industrial detergents or cosmetics! I could talk for ever about this soap but the last important things I want to bring up to your reader is its quality and the way it is made. A genuine Marseille soap must contain at least 72% of vegetable fat oil and be made according to the old “Marseille process”. It is this manufacturing process and the percentages of oil that make this soap such a high quality and long lasting product. One of my friends told me I was crazy to start a business that sells long lasting products. I said I must be crazy but as a consumer, I am also fed up with this modern marketing concept which is to make a product obsolete after a very short time or so. Anyway, as part of our effort to explain what a Marseille soap is, our website displays videos that were taken right into the soap factories. They are all in french but, at least everyone can get a very good idea on how this soap is made, a process that takes more than 20 days. www.savon-de-marseille.ca/videos.html is where one can see the videos. 

Cliff T.: This is your second year at the Nutcracker Market. How did you get involved with les Grands Ballets Canadiens? 

Stephane Thibaud: We were contacted last year by Les Grands Ballets Canadiens and they asked us if we would like to participate in the first edition. They were searching for merchants who are offering products of great quality and hard to find here in Quebec.

Cliff T.: As noted in the introduction the event helps raise funds for the troop. What exactly does the money get used for?

Stephane Thibaud: 10% of the merchant’s sales and all other revenues go to the Nutcracker Fund for Children. This fund is aimed at helping disadvantaged children who want to take part in educational workshops and also attend a ballet. This will also help with production of the Nutcracker ballet which is mostly attended by children.

Cliff T.: Stephane, was this one of those events you heard about and said I have to do this? What was the motivation to become part of the Nutcracker Market? 

Stephane Thibaud: 2010 was the first year of the Nutcraker Market so of course, we could not have heard about it. When the team of Les Grands Ballets Canadiens called us in September that year and asked if we would participate…well…to be honest, we did hesitate and took a few weeks to think about it. First, my business was not even one year old and we were absolutely not prepared to do such an event. You must know that I am running this by myself with the help of my conjoint. We have unfortunately no employees to help us and not a bit of an expertise on how to manage such events. Beside, we did not know what to expect since this Christmas market has never taken place before! 

Then we remembered that starting a business is about taking some risks. We also put in the balance the fact that this could be our opportunity to learn how to prepare for an event like that. It is also important for an online based business to get in touch with its customers outside the net, in a more physical way, especially when you sell soap.

The other motivations came from the fact that this is not only a market but also a philanthropic activity. We really like this concept which is in perfect accordance with our philosophy, not only as a business but as persons. Last but not least, I must confess: the invitation to participate in this new project was really flattering. You know, merchants were selected and invited according to the concept which is to offer hard to find good quality products. Nine months after starting a business, we were feeling rewarded already! 

Cliff T.: Au Savon Marseille at a charity market must make for some interesting conversations, what has been the reaction to your entry last year and your entry this year in the Nutcraker Market?

Stephane Thibaud: reactions were all positive. Les Grands Ballets Canadiens were really happy to see us last year and we must have been of a good help in their cause since they invited us again. This year we did not think twice before accepting the invitation. The experience is great for the Nutcracker Market visitors too, we get to meet customers face to face and explain to them what a Marseille soap is, its history, its uses. People see that we do not hide behind our website and even that we are not a big corporate entity, we can do something via our business to help others in the community. 

Cliff T.: And, are you going to be taking orders or selling the soaps you feature on your site during the event?

Stephane Thibaud: Of course. Having an online business is like having a store you can never close. Fortunately and just as last year, I have my retired parents coming right from France to help us.

Cliff T.: Sounds like you will be having some fun and helping a worthy cause thanks for sharing the story with us here on Candid Conversations.

Stephane Thibaud: It is my pleasure. I do invite your readers to come visit The Nutcraker Market at le Palais des Congrès de Montréal, November 24 – December 4, 2011. There will be about 69 other passionate merchants who will be there to offer wonderful gift ideas and contribute to the Nutcracker Fund for Children. 

Stephane Thibaud from Au Savon de Marseille a company that sells the world famous Marseilles soaps online is participating this year, for the second time, in the Nutcracker Market. The event raises money for les Grands Ballets Canadiens. You can find out more about the company and the event by going to the website, Stephane wrote from his offices from the Montreal area. 

The web address is http://www.savon-de-marseille.ca

The Smallest Show On Earth

Fleas, they bug our pets and they bug us. However they can also entertain us. I found an interesting web page through another podcaster's site, the site is www.noonco.com/flea. The creator of the site is Mr. Walter Noon. I contacted him to find out more about the site and flea circuses.

Cliff T. Mr. Noon thank you for taking time out to speak to me about your site flea-circus.com.

Walt Noon: Thanks Cliff, I never miss a chance to spread this infestation. :) Thank you very much for thinking of

Cliff T.: OK I took a look at the site and on it you have as the header where the secrets of the flea are revealed, what secrets do fleas have?

Walt Noon: Fleas tend to be very honest creatures, so I can see why that title could be a little confusing. The main thing I was getting at with that title was the fact that many people do not believe that the fleas in a flea circus are real. I can honestly say that I’ve had someone offer to feed a flea, been bitten by one, and they still turned to me and said “I don’t know how you did it, but I know it can’t be real.” That’s a 100% true story. This is one of the most wonderful things about the flea circus. It really is a magical act where an audience’s perceptions can really be put to the test! All while being thoroughly entertained by the spectacle of live performing fleas jumping through hoops, carrying objects, and balancing on wires right in front of their eyes. Many flea circuses are a mixture of real flea stunts, and humbugs. It all depends on the performer (and often the fleas) as to how much of each you get! 

Cliff T.: How many flea circuses are there that you know of?

Walt Noon: I’ve built 78 circuses for performers around the world over about the last 10 years. I think the act is still pretty rare, but I would guess there are several hundred regular performers of some version of the flea circus. The only continuously operating (fixed location) circuses I know of in recent years have been the Flohzirkus in Germany. I believe the owner is Marco Assman. The last fixed location circus I know of here in the States was the famous Professor Heckler circus at Hubert’s Museum New York from 1933 to 1957. I was lucky enough to meet and Interview Bobby Reynolds who worked the flea act there! The beautiful Maria Cardosa also performed a circus in San Fransisco’s Exploritorium (at times wearing a bikini I’m told) around 1997. As interesting as that image may be, there is a historical precedent: Fleas have often performed with beautiful women!
The flea act was a popular theme in French burlesque in the 1800’s when performers would remove their cloths while pretending to search for a flea which had gotten loose! 

Cliff T.: How long have you been working with fleas for?

Walt Noon: I built my first circus at the request of the brilliant Rob D’Arc in 1997. He still performs it to this day as “Professor Humbug.”

Cliff T.: So would you say that you are a collector flea circuses or info on fleas as a whole?

Walt Noon: I started out to simply build one circus for a friend (Rob), but after many many months of research, I fell in love with the fleas. (They are very cute when you take the time to know one.) I became an early “hub” for flea information around the world. Flea societies (yes, there is such a thing), museums and schools have all sent me information, and others request information on a regular basis which I love to provide. (When I’m not sure of an answer, I have my own fleas to observe and consult.) I can build circuses for museums and insectariums and I’ve been lucky enough to create custom circuses for performers from such great groups as Cirque du Soleil, Ringling Brothers and many others. I work with a talented artist (John Norris) to create the genuine circus imagery. I have OCCASIONALLY performed the act myself on Television and movies, including one National Geographic special, and a flea race on MTV. (National geographic had such wonderful cameras, they could literally focus on the eye of a flea! I got to see my performers in a whole new light!) 

Cliff T.: Mr. Noon, why fleas, what attracted you to them?

Walt Noon: This is a surprisingly hard question! I had no idea the almost mystical appeal fleas had; until I got to know them. No one forgets seeing a circus, even if they saw it as a child. How could you ever get the image of seeing a flea juggling a ball out of your mind once you’d seen it? As a performer myself (I make “normal” my living doing a magic act), I think I just got caught up in this unexpected enthusiasm and appeal. Of course, I feel lucky to get to work with the stars of the show too!  

Cliff T.: I also notice that your a magician and inventor, do you incorporate these into the world of the flea circus?

Walt Noon: Absolutely. The engineering behind creating a collar for a flea to wear, and creating the tools to attach it around his neck (without harming him) is one of the most challenging tasks I’ve ever had as an inventor. I nearly gave up the first week. But, the first time I snapped a collar in place on a flea, and hitched him to a cart, I was overwhelmed by the feeling I could do anything! (I highly recommend it as a transcendental experience!) I have some tools that I literally had to make under a microscope, Keep in mind a whole flea is not much bigger than a printed period in size 12 font on this page! From the “magic” angle, I had to be sure there are enough “gimmicks” in a circus to assure every performance happens regardless of the flea’s mood that day. I should quickly mention that all gimmicks are “cruelty free” in my circuses. I personally can literally make the claim that I would NEVER hurt a flea!  

Cliff T.: What would you say are the most fascinating things about fleas and flea circuses?

Walt Noon: Of the circus itself, I would have to say the strange appeal! Here’s an act that has created a sensation all the way from the 1700’s. How do you explain that trained fleas literally have become a permanent part of our culture? Or perhaps even more amazing, an act so strong that a child in the audience will put down his video game for half an hour to watch with his eyes wide!!! Of the fleas themselves, there really is an endless list. This is a creature that will surprise you at every turn. Physically, he can jump 30,000 times in a row, and jump more than 300 times his own height! This is an animal that can mentally be trained to do a few simple tasks; who has a brain too small to be seen with the human eye! But over all, I think what makes both so amazing is quite simply… a mystery!

Cliff T.: Is there a certain amount of knowledge that is needed to create and maintain a flea circus?

Walt Noon: A largely “humbug” circus requires only the skills normal for a performer. (Though I don’t think I’ve ever met a flea performer who wasn’t extraordinary! Only the most imaginative performer with a taste for the off beat is likely to be a ringmaster.) Circus that make more use of real fleas require many many tricks. I’ve often said that for a creature so hard to get rid of when he’s unwanted, he is stunningly delicate and difficult to keep alive and healthy as a pet! Fleas in the wild usually live less than 30 days, which is more than enough to to reproduce. A flea who is collard and kept in a circus with regular feedings can live more than 6 months. Changes in humidity, temperature, or even feeding schedule can cause the loss of your whole troupe overnight! It is honestly an art! 

Cliff T.: Mr. Noon, what kinds of things will people find on your website with respect to fleas? 

Walt Noon: I tried to give a very honest history of the fleas (including the humbugs), the secrets of training a flea and even some video of my fleas in performance! For those interested in performing a humbug or real act, I have plans for sale (which keeps me in flea food) and even “past performers” in collars for sale. The web page is a great contact point if someone has flea information to pass on to me, or if they’d like to begin to learn the ropes of being a circus master! 

Cliff T.: Perfect, thank you very much for taking the time to speak with me and for doing a Candid Conversations interview. I hope you and the fleas have fun entertaining the masses.

Walt Noon: Thanks Cliff. Isn’t it funny that such a small creature can be such a large subject! We’ve barely bitten into the surface here! I hope your interest in fleas will continue. It’s been an honor to contribute to Candid Conversations! 

Walt Noon the man behind flea-circus.com. You can find the site by clicking the link listed below and selecting Flea Circus. Mr. Noon wrote to Candid Conversations from somewhere in cyberspace. 

Here is the link to his site. http://www.noonco.com

Forgiving When You Can't A Book An Idea A Mindset. Dr Jim Dincalci From The Forgiveness Foundation Explains The Concept And The Benefits Of Forgiving.

I'm sorry and I forgive you are two of the phrases people can have trouble uttering, even more difficult may be meaning what is said. Forgiveness is more than just saying “I forgive you!” it is an action that requires some important elements. I contacted Dr. Jim Dincalci of the Forgiveness Foundation. He has written a book and also writes a blog on the subject of forgiveness.

Dr. Dincalci has spent over 40 years using emotional, spiritual and physical methods to help people feel better. As a Child & Family Therapist, university instructor and founder of the Forgiveness Foundation, he has been developing methods to help people forgive and has taught these from coast to coast in the USA in universities, schools, hospitals, conferences, public seminars and churches. He frequently speaks on forgiveness. His book, How to Forgive When You Can't: The Breakthrough Guide to Free Your Heart & Mind, which has received 3 national awards, is also being published in German, French, Korean & Spanish.

The book How to Forgive When You Can't is a guide for the reader who is at a point where the idea of forgiving is not a desire possibility or even a thought much less an action to be considered. Dr. Dincalci, thanks for being a part of Candid Conversations.

Dr. Dincalci: Thank you Cliff. I appreciate being on this conversation. I had my own forgiveness miracle, 18 years ago and since have been helping people forgive. I call it a miracle because I had had post traumatic stress disorder since the late 70s and finally reached the point of not even wanting to live anymore. Through a forgiveness process that came to me, I was relieved of all my upsets within hours. Joy and Love reappeared in my life as a daily experience for years.

Cliff T.: Your book has an interesting title, How to Forgive When You Can't, can you define what that means?

Dr. Dincalci: First of all, let’s look at how we are familiar with forgiving. When you forgive a debt, it is let go of. They no longer owe you the money, for example. What you expected is let go of. It’s the same with an upset with someone. What you expect is let go of. The desire for the apology – let go of; them dying and going to hell – let go of; being able to torture them or for them to go through what you have gone through – let go of. Now that doesn’t mean you let them hurt you again or put yourself in harm’s way. Absolutely not. Forgive and set limits, take care of yourself.

The most important thing to remember about forgiving is that it is for you NOT them. You are the one holding the upset and having the stress reactions. They might not care at all. Forgiving is for you and your health and happiness.

So forgiving when you can’t means you have so much upset and agree with the social taboos and have so many defense mechanisms in place that it seems impossible to forgive even if you want to.

Cliff T.: Would you say that not forgiving is akin to being in a state of hatred for the offender?

Dr. Dincalci: I wouldn’t say it’s always a state of hatred, it could just be continual irritation. But it eats you up inside each time you think of them. Some people won’t even think of the offender after awhile, but it’s still under the surface eating away at their happiness, goals or health. I’ve found that even one held upset can have harmful effects.

Cliff T.: What else can happen to people on both sides the offender and the offended?

Dr. Dincalci: There is a lot of research on forgiveness. Here’s the positive side:

In careful scientific studies, forgiveness training has been shown to: 
· reduce depression, 
· increase hopefulness, 
· decrease anger & anxiety,
· heal relationships
· increase emotional self-confidence,
· improve compassion, 
· increase personal growth, and 
· improve quality of life

Studies reveal:
· People who are more forgiving report fewer health and mental problems.
· Forgiveness leads to fewer physical symptoms of stress. 
· Failure to forgive may be more important than hostility as a risk factor for heart disease.
· People who blame other people for their troubles have higher incidence of illness such as cardiovascular disease and cancer.

That’s just for starters.

For the offender, you just don’t know. They might not be upset at all by your upset. Maybe they even condemn you, or even expect an apology from you. You can really only deal with your reaction, not theirs. That’s why forgiveness is for you, unless they have asked for forgiveness. But then that’s easy forgiving when they apologize or ask for forgiveness.

Cliff T.: Dr. Dincalci, I have heard that there are points in time where we come into a situation where someone has done something so bad that forgiving them may seem like letting the off the hook for the deed done. Can forgiveness coexist with the idea that one can forgive the person but, not the deed?

Dr. Dincalci: That’s a good point. In forgiving we never condone the deed. But, if we can open our heart to the person, in some way, then forgiving is possible. That doesn’t mean we need to reconcile with the person though. Reconciliation is not forgiving. In reconciliation, you are building trust again in a relationship. That takes work on BOTH sides. Forgiveness is a good and essential step. But it’s only a key step. Trust is the product of reconciliation. Trust might never be able to be rebuilt.

I need to say that if the offender is abusive I would not recommend the person going back to the relationship unless she (or he) see significant on-going change on the part of the abuser. Abuse is difficult to deal with. I worked in Domestic Violence for 3 years. A little 6 weeks course is not usually enough for a violent offender.

Cliff T.: What is the goal of the book?

Dr. Dincalci: I see it as a toolbox to help people

1) to forgive others and themselves.

2) to forgive everything. All upsets, including trauma.

3) to help others to forgive.

I spent 10 years working on the book so that all aspects of forgiving were covered.

Cliff T.: Just by the title of he book I assume that what your saying is that forgiveness takes time and effort, there is lots of work involved.

Dr. Dincalci: That’s true, But it can be done quicker that you think if a person is willing to be honest with themselves and what is going on around them. That’s not easy. It does take looking deeply.

Cliff T.: I would think that there are some key things a person must do to reach a level where they can forgive, Dr. Dincalci what kinds of steps do people need to make even before they can forgive someone?

Dr. Dincalci: That’s a good question because most people think you just forgive. But, there are several things that must be addressed before a person is even willing to forgive. One is social agreements and taboos against forgiving. I call them the myths of forgiving. We address a few of them like forgiveness as condoning what happened, which of course it doesn’t. It’s not reconciliation, and it’s not about turning the other cheek to be hurt again. But one of the big one is that forgiveness is weak. Anyone who has forgiven a terrible thing knows that that idea is crazy. It takes someone strong to forgive because the person has to face the upset full on and then let it go. I go into the 12 myths that prevent forgiving quite a lot in the book.

Another thing a person needs to deal with is the Brain mechanisms that prevent forgiving. This is why we can’t forgive and forget. It’s not built into the system. Remembering is. And the third is dealing with the emotional defense mechanisms. Both of these systems of defenses are there to protect us but end up preventing the help we need. And actually cause more stress in the long run.

Cliff T.: Can you describe what the Forgiveness Foundation does and what the objectives are for it?

Dr. Dincalci: Our Vision is to have harmony among people around the world.
Our Mission is to advance the field of forgiveness through events that inspire and impassion individuals, families, and communities to forgive
We see this happening by

• Building kind and peaceful families, communities, and organizations by helping people let go of their blame, resentments, grudges, and vengeance.
• Inspiring & educating people on the power of forgiveness,
• Training them to help others forgive.

Cliff T.: How do you measure success when it comes to forgiving?

Dr. Dincalci: The question to ask if you aren’t sure you’ve forgiven is:

Does the person move through your mind easily, or do they crash and burn? When you think of them do you have any reaction?

Cliff T.: What got you interested in teaching this subject?

Dr. Dincalci: At the beginning of this interview I mentioned that I had a forgiveness miracle. Because of that I wanted to help other have the same. It took years of workshops and teaching to have a process that really worked.

Cliff T.: Well Dr Dincalci you sound like a man on a mission to change attitudes with respect to forgiving is this what your passion is, to see a world where forgiveness becomes something that is easier to do?

Dr. Dincalci: Yes, absolutely, not only easier but without the social taboos around to prevent it, people would be much more forgiving. At present forgiveness seems more like a curse word than a the blessings it really it.

Cliff T.: Where can people get How to Forgive When You Can't?

Dr. Dincalci: TBA

Cliff T.: Well I have to say in a time where so much focus on avenging the deaths of others and making people pay for their errant ways has become such an obsession it seems like you are wanting to inject another solution into the minds of people. I wish you much success as you try to bring the idea of forgiveness back into the conversations we are having these days.

Dr. Dincalci: Thank you very much for this interview. You have provided a nice opening for people to take the first step in being more happy by letting go of their upsets. I believe that is how we have more peace, by each person letting go of their resentments and grudges. Thank you very much.

Cliff T.: Dr. Jim Dincalci and the Forgiveness Foundation he heads up are the creators of the Forgiveness blog and the book How to Forgive When You can't. To visit the site and learn more about this unique organization and it's goals visit them at http://www.forgivenessfoundation.org.  I Reached Dr. Dincalci at his office located in Chapel Hill NC.

Surf N Sea Catchy Name Cool Store Nice People

One of my favorite keywords to use in a search is odd and or weird news. I found an odd story on the Huffington Post about a duck that was fitted with booties. Yep booties. Seems the lady who requested the specialized item wanted her pet duck, named Duckie to feel comfy on the beach. Thus the order was placed. Yvonne Cruz and her team at Surf N Sea created a lovely pair of purple booties for the duck. Now this may sound odd but, there is a story here about the importance of getting a wetsuit that fits well. I guess you could say that the idea of a fitted wetsuit is not so quackers after all. I contacted Miss Cruz to ask some important questions about wetsuits, miss Cruz welcome to Candid Conversations.

Yvonne Cruz: Thanks for the interview Cliff.

Cliff T.: It must have seemed strange to you if not funny that a client would want a fitting for a duck, were you surprised at the request?

Yvonne Cruz: Over the years Surf ‘n Sea has had a lot of unusual requests; many dogs, one torpedo, covers for Cat Scan machines a camera *bellows, a tuxedo jacket for a groom who got married on a surfboard among others. We love challenges!

Cliff T.: A torpedo, cat scanner and camera bellows, you do love challenges.

Cliff T: Have you had any new requests to outfit animals with beach gear, or better yet with a wetsuit?

Yvonne Cruz: There has been nothing new since the duck but we did make eight dog wetsuits for the Natural Balance Float in the 2011 Rose Parade. The dogs wore the wetsuits while jumping off a dock into a pond on the float.

Cliff T.: Ok, outside of the funny in this story there is a serious side here. How important is it for people to get a wetsuit that fits well? And why is that important?

Yvonne Cruz: Fit in a wetsuit is critical. A wetsuit works because your body heat warms up the thin layer of water inside of the suit. If there is room for a lot of water, not only can’t your body heat it up, you will keep exchanging new cold water with your movements. The suit must fit snug to keep excess water out but not so snug that movement is restricted.

Cliff T.: Now you gave the duck purple booties, this may sound like an odd question is color important when getting a wetsuit and why?

Yvonne Cruz: The owner of the duck said Duckies’ favorite color is purple. Who am I to argue? Color is so subjective. Most surfers like black for wetsuits as dark colors absorb heat better. Some shy away from black as it is the color of seals – a favorite food of sharks. Many divers like camouflage so they disappear in kelp beds and fish do not see them, other divers, in open water, like the blues. We have dozens of colors to choose from.

Cliff T.: So what goes into making a great wetsuit and what should a person look for when they shop for one?

Yvonne Cruz: A quality suit will have the seams guaranteed for the life of the suit – ours are. The seams must be of a construction that does not leak – ours are. It will be made of the finest materials available and should fit very well. Again, ours are. It’s nice if you like the style and colors too!

Cliff T.: How long does it take you and the team at Surf N Sea to make the suit and do the fitting?

Yvonne Cruz: The fitting usually takes less than 20 minutes. Surf ‘n Sea suits are cut on a bevel and glued together using two coats of a special adhesive. A full length wetsuit can be made in a day including drying time – but just barely. However, usually there is a waiting line

Cliff T.: Is there a special way one needs to store and take care of a wetsuit?

Yvonne Cruz: First and very important is to rinse your suit inside and outside upon leaving the ocean, lake or pool. Hang it on a wide shoulder hanger until the exposed side is dry. Then turn so the other side dries. Do not, if possible, dry in the sun and do not store the suit in your garage if you park a car in it. Car emissions deteriorate the neoprene material.

Cliff T.: I am assuming that it is also better to have a custom suit but, if people want can they get one off the rack?

Yvonne Cruz: Many people do fine in rack suits. There are also some alterations we can do if the rack suit isn’t perfect.

Cliff T.: Miss Cruz, does Surf N Sea do wetsuits only or do you also have other products that you sell?

Yvonne Cruz: Surf ‘n Sea does focus on wetsuits but we have a few water sports related products. Wetsuit repairs and alterations are a big part of our business.

Cliff T.: It sounds like you guys had fun with the duck, do you try to have a bit a fun while educating a client on what makes or does not make a good suit?

Yvonne Cruz: Absolutely! We enjoy people!

Cliff T.: Well I have to say I enjoyed reading the story and learning a bit more about what you and your team do, thanks for being a part of Candid Conversations.

Yvonne Cruz: Cliff, you are a thoughtful and thorough interviewer. I thank you!

Yvonne Cruz helps clients with custom wetsuits, recently she and her team fitted a duck with booties. Surf N Sea has been been in the business of custom wetsuits since 1954 and is located in San Diego CA. I reached her at the store.

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