For the record, I am a person with a disability, vision loss. I also have some breathing challenges occasionally, and my knees are not as strong as they were when I was younger due to a touch of arthritis. My girlfriend, whom I just started dating, is also a person with disabilities. Muscular Dystrophy being the one that is most prevalent, so you can imagine what it will be like when we decide to have sex, Sorry kids, I am not going to blog about it.
- People with disabilities can have have sex and they like it! Sex is normal, people with disabilities like to have sex and while it may be challenging for some, it is not impossible. There maybe requirements for support from a third person to facilitate sexual activity, but, it can be done. Furthermore, people with disabilities are intelligent and, despite the myth, are not childlike. Ok, perhaps some are but, most are not. They know what they are doing. Now, of course, the caveat here is that sex should be an activity between adults no matter what. But, you can rest assured, most disabled people do get it, and they know what they are doing when it comes to sex.
- So in some circumstances you may have to plan the adventure. While it is true that traditional sex is possible for people with disabilities in certain situations, you are going to have to think ahead. We'll take my girlfriend as an example. As noted, she has MD. So I have to think how do I approach her sexually? Starting off slow, being gentle for sure. Other ways to be sexual without going for the big bang are hugging and kissing and gentle touches. Sex is more than the heavy breathing and wham bam thank you ma'am or sir.
- You might be surprised to know that there are people out there that are disabled and sexy, I mean real sexy. Sexy is not limited by size or race, and certainly is not by disability. There are many men and women out there who are disabled and very hot. Some are even models and eh hem porn stars! The disabled are no longer closeted in this area. The fact is, there are loud voices advocating for the disabled regarding sex and the definition of sexy and how that should be viewed in society as a whole.
- People with disabilities date, marry and have sex with people who are not disabled. The pretty lady on the left is my late wife, Darlene. We were married 26 years before her death on Jan 4 2024. For the most part, Dar was not disabled but, eventually, did become diabetic and had autoimmune hepatitis, which can be considered as disabilities. Up into the later years of our lives together, she was not disabled, and we had a good marriage, when she did become disabled, we still had a good marriage. In short, people who are and are not disabled do get together and form relationships, including ones that are sexual in nature. There is no rule that says a person with a disability must marry or have sex with another disabled person.
- People who have lost feeling in their limbs are still in many circumstances able to achieve sexual stimulation. Whether it is limited or not depends on the disability. How do people who use a wheelchair have sex? The simple answer is, usually in bed! Yes, just like any normal person would. They may also do it on the couch, or even dare I say the kitchen!! You may have to plan a little or, in some cases, a lot, but sex is still possible for people with mobility issues. And we cannot neglect the fact that meds and other factors can cause our sex drive to be affected, but again, with some planning and patience, that can be overcome. However, for some older and really sick people, sex is no longer an option and while that is hard to except for some, it is important to remember that love exceeds sex. And sex is not limited to what is traditional. You can still be sexual without being sexual. Cuddles, hugs, and gentle loving touches and words can be just as sexy as actually having sex.
- Did you know that people with spinal cord injuries have reported experiencing great pleasure from stimulation in areas like the arms, earlobe, neck, cheek, and nipple. So much so that it can even lead to orgasm! Sex happens in the brain too. There are ways to enhance this, whether it’s through fantasies, relaxation, meditation or breathing techniques. It’s all just a matter of working out personal turn-ons and turn-offs, the best way to do this is with a loving partner you trust! So, in short, what I am saying here is that sex is not just about the genitalia, it's in the mid too.
There are other things to take note of. People with disabilities do identify as LGBTQ2S+. This is the acronym used to represent the diverse community of people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, two-spirit, and other sexual and gender identities. The + indicates inclusivity of additional identities. Many disabled people actually connect with sex workers for sex. The reason they do so is because in many instances they tend to be judged by the ability to be sexual. Ableism is a real thing in society and its impacts are felt not only with respect to to employment for the disabled, but in housing, politics and sex. People with disabilities want to be seen as normal people in the community, and they are also wanting to be considered sexy along with employable, housable and able to express opinion on topics including politics. In short, they aim to be a part of the community in every way.
Being a person with a disability myself, I have had to face ableism, mostly related to employment. But, even in terms of sexuality, I have been looked as odd for wanting a relationship, especially since I have a preference towards plus-sized women. People have thought that to be weird and kinky, which frankly it is not. My late wife was a BBW big and curvy, sexy in every way as well as one of the loveliest people I had the privilege of being with. So to close, it's quite normal for everyone, including the disabled, to enjoy a healthy sex life, it's not kinky or weird, believe me.
Below are some resources you can look at that should help you get some insights to understanding what sex and disability are all about.
Kennedy Krieger has an article about intellectual disabilities as it is related to individuals with intellectual disabilities and sex. Sexuality and Adults with Developmental Disabilities is the title.
Ableism 101 is the title of an article / fact sheet about ableism presented by Access Living, an organization that advocates for the disabled in Chicago, IL.
The CBC has some interesting content regarding disability You Can't Ask That is a documentary series exploring various topics re disabilities. Some backgrounder is also on Wikipedia. The CBC has also had radio shows on the topic and even a podcast or two on the subject.
For more resources, head over to Google and search based on disabilities.
