Candid Comment - The Top Interview of 2021

 

Well here we are nearing the end of 2021.  Candid Conversations has really done well this year.  A new Feature has been added to the site and for December it is the highlight.  Called Candid Comment it is essentially an addition to the site as I am closing My Point Your Point down.  There are with this article excluded 4 of them on the blog.  Which means we have for 2021 13 interviews that were done.  Which is really nice to see.  The blog nearly saw a record in traffic coming through close to 5000 views according to Google.  Stat Counter shows count of about 3100, this is due to the fact that the log got filled and older data was removed so technically Google is the correct one to look at.  But, I use the stat counter count so not a record like 5600 that was seen in 2017, but not bad at all.  

The number 1 interview for 2021 ranks in at 118 views and yes the links to the person are still active.  It's an article that was posted in 2011.  Robert Barrows spoke with me about his grave marker that features a video screen.  Check the article out and his website which is listed in it. 

Candid Conversations Interview, #1 for 2021 - 118 views

Robert Barrows In a Candid Conversation About Video Enhanced Gravemarkers

I will be looking around in January 2022 for new conversations and am also planning a Patreon for the site and possibly a Youtube or podcast featuring Candid Conversations.

Thank you for reading the blog please come back and if you are interested in doing a Candid Conversation write me at candidconversations@hotmail.com.

Happy New Year!

Candid Comment - The Best Christmas Gift You Can Get - Your Booster Shot

As I look around the web and read the stories about the rise of Omicron and the speed at which this variant has hit country after country I am stunned by it's impact.  To date Canada has been seeing a case count that is nothing short of shocking. There is a bit of an upside though the Omicron variant has less of a punch, but it is good at bypassing antibodies produced by vaccines, which is why there is a clear need for boosters.

Of course this is a matter of choice there are no laws saying you have to get vaccinated though in many work environments there are mandates that state that in order to remain employed you must get vaccinated.  Some feel that mandates like masking and vaccination requirements are an infringement on personal rights.  Yes, they are, the masking and vaccine mandates infringe on the right to choose to or not to mask and vaccinate.  It is deliberate it's intent though is not hostile except in that if one does not they may lose their job.  This said it's smarter to get vaccinated and to follow the measures set in place.  In fact the best Christmas gift you can give yourself and family as well as the community at large is the shot you get.  I could throw facts, showcase stories and provide statistics to support the need to be vaccinated. I could also use fancy language and use analogies to make my point, I will spare you these as there is enough lecturing going on about vaccines and mandates.  

Like many reading this I am fed up and tired of hearing about the pandemic.  So I choose to think this way.  I would rather do my upmost to keep myself healthy and to not be that guy who gets COVID and does not show symptoms but passes it on to someone else who gets really sick or God forbid dies.  This year Christmas was more about being thankful for what I already have and enjoying the gifts I did get.  Not caring about what I did not get and thanking God that I am well, employed and have people around me who love and care for me.  One last point before I close, fun fact or not.  I am terrified of needles. I hate being near them and yet I have had 2 vaccinations and will get a booster.  

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year go get a booster shot and thanks for reading Candid Conversations this year.   Look for the next article hopefully an interview along with the year end review, a look at the top interview of 2021.

Candid Comment - Unsung Heroes - The Call Centre Agent

During the pandemic there has been a lot of shift in the way work is being done.  The move to at home, this is very true in the world I work in which is call centres.  I actually did work from home for about 2 months before having to vacate the apartment do to circumstances that just did not lend themselves to me staying there. While I hopped around looking for a place to live I was granted permission to return to the call centre I work at.  From the time I returned until now I have worked a fixed shift, so in short during four waves I have remained employed I even got to move up the ladder a little, increased my pay and yes I have a nice place to live in.  This Christmas for me at least it's nice to get and give a gift but the greater gift is a job and not being ill.  

Call centre Agents have been working through the pandemic to provide a variety of services.  These range from handling customer billing, technical support, banking etc.  Calls from business owners, hospitals and agencies have also been fielded.  Yes there have been calls made to collect overdue bills, delinquent accounts, and surveys as well as sales calls.  

Some people have questioned why call centres are considered essential.  I have had people laugh at me saying you and essential worker, what a joke. That kind of sentiment is disheartening especially to those like me who can not work form home and go to the centre to work.  All of us who have travelled to the site we work at have taken the risk of catching COVID.  This disease has killed over 10,000 in Ontario where I live.  The city of Hamilton Ontario has seen 26,695 cases with 424 of them being fatal.  Sure that is 1.6% but that is still 424 too many.   Along with other impacts COVID has made a real mess of things and lives.  So having to deal with that plus the usual stuff an Agent deals with does make it pretty challenging.  Hearing that well your just a call center rep what is so essential about that really is a cheap shot.  

Do not get me wrong I love what I do for the most part.  Generally customers I deal with are pleasant nd just want the issue resolved.  But, I do get nasty people on the phone, it's part of the gig.  What is not part of the gig is hearing that role is not important and all I am supposed to do is make it rain goodies for people who feel entitled and that I have no role to play other than to deal with adult toddlers.  That is not the gig.  

The gig / job is to provide world class service.  Help people who want that help, fix the issue and yes where needed apologize and offer a form of compensation for the fail.  That is what we do in call centres, and yes we are an essential service.  We matter because without agents on the phones the food does not get delivered, the apps do not get fixed, the phones and computers do not get repaired, the lights stay off etc. etc. etc.  There are many heroes on the phones who go the distance and make life easier for people and I am proud to serve with them and count myself as a member of a unique club of men and women who do a job that is mentally challenging, always evolving and even with AI and apps will never really go away.  

Here is to us the unsung heroes who man the phones take the calls and have done so in one the most unusual events of out modern time.  Thanks for serving the customer, the community and being a part of an essential group that keeps our world humming along even though there are a few bumps like COVID along the way.  My challenge to you who read this is this.  When and if you call a company that uses a call centre take a moment even if you are really angry and upset to say thanks for taking my call.  Saying thank you, it's not just a phrase in a lot of ways it's a gift you can gift you can give that can and does go a long way at any time but, even more so at this time of the year. 

Cliff T.

  

Candid Comment - Entitled Christians

 

Many within various churches feel that it is their God given right to say no to certain parts of the law and that they do not have to obey these laws take for example public health orders.  Many in churches across Canada and indeed the United States do not endorse or even go as far as to denounce restrictions and masking mandates as anti Christian and choice and in so doing encourage breaking the laws and rules.  Some Christians have gone as far as to harass health care professionals and others who support measures to curb the spread of COVID-19 and it's variants.  These entitled so called Christians should take a reality check and actually read what the Bible says about obeying the government and the laws that are in place.

In the Romans Chapter 13, verses 1 through 7 it's clearly stated that the government is empowered by God and the officials are to be respected and obeyed.  There is no ambiguity everyone who claims to be a follower of Jesus must also respect the government, pay taxes to support it and treat those who enforce laws, police and judges, with dignity and honor.  

That does not mean being mindless automatons.  Christians are supposed to uphold standards that are morally very high and should point out when leaders and those under them are not doing the correct thing.  There are many legal avenues to show discontent with laws and behaviors that do not fit the model of responsible government.  Expressing concern and challenging authority does have its place but it also has its limits.  Christians are not entitled or special when it comes to the law and rule of government.  In fact they are are expected to be humble servants of God respecting those in authority, praying for them and helping them do the job of governing and that includes paying taxes as well as obeying the laws that are in place.  

A Candid Comment - 1 Films That I Would Watch Again

Who does not like a good movie?  Though I am not a TV kind of guy, I do enjoy watching movies on TV or in a theatre or on my tablet, the more common way I watch.  I have a couple of movies that I will watch over and over.  Below are the three that I will watch again. 

Topping the list Car Wash. Richard Pryor and George Carlin starred in the film, the year 1976. The plot of the film is simple really. It's about a day in the life of a group of men working at a car wash in L.A. and some of the odd things that happen.

What I liked was the music and some of the funny things that happen during the shift.  One scene has a man being chased by an employee after he thinks the man has a bomb, turns out to be a urine sample.  Another is of one of the staff who has affections for a girl in a burger joint, the funny is when he flips cheese up to the ceiling where it sticks and at the end of the day, the cook looks up and all of the cheese begins to fall on his face.

The only drawback, the film does lag, it is a bit too long for my liking, I also did not like the character Daddy Rich, played by Richard Pryor, his was probably one of the stupidest scenes in the film.   The music was pretty good too, Rose Royce recorded the soundtrack.  I have the soundtrack and have to say for the most part it's a great album.  The theme song Car Wash actually charted as did a couple of other songs including I Wanna Get Next To You.

The Longest Day, 1962 tells the story of D-Day.  The cast includes legends like John Wayne and Sean Connery, the list goes on and on.  It was quite the film for it's day and must have required lots of logistical and other support to make it happen.  The tale told from both sides is of the hours leading up to, during and a bit of post D-Day operations, from both the Allied and German perspectives.

It was a well done film, I liked how well it was put together.  Again like Car Wash the movie does lag and kind of folds in the middle.  It could have been shortened and still got the story told.

Revenge of the Nerds.  Ah yes I really liked this film.  The story is about a bunch of geeks and outcasts who go to college in the U.S.  The problem for them is that they have to face off against those who really don't like them, the jocks.  John Goodman starred in this film.  The scene that I like the most is when the nerds throw a party for the leaders of Lamda Lamda Lamda, it just gets funny to see them stoned on weed.  It's pretty good movie and while it does not top my list it's one that I can say I really liked and will watch again.  

There is a scene in the film where one of the nerds has sex with his love interest under false pretense. Lewis the lead nerd steals a mask from his rival and tricks Betty pretending to be the jock. That is a concern as that is a rape and the film makers have addressed this stating that it was not a great choice to have that scene in the film.  Looking back at it I would say ya that was not the best idea.  That does tarnish the movie.  Frankly speaking I don't think a real so called nerd would do that.  Then again what do I know.

Other films that have caught my eye that are ones I can say I would watch are.  Police Academy, Saving Private Ryan, A Bridge Too Far, Black Hawk Down, Tora Tora Tora and yes even Gremlins.  I probably would watch them again as well. As noted with Revenge of the nerds Police Academy and Gremlins do have scenes in them that may be considered in poor taste.  In Gremlins there is a lot of violence including a scene where a woman is launched out a window when the creatures short circuit her chair lift.  And in Police Academy some of the scenes portray women as sex objects.  That said the film is utterly unrealistic in many many ways.  In a modern police academy it's pretty unlikely hookups take place, then again ya just never know.  Not an excuse of course, just a fact.

I am mostly a fan of movies that focus on the theme of war.  Down the road I will list my top lineup for the military films I have watched.  That should be fun to do.  In the meantime, tell me what are some of your all time film faves that you can't get enough of?

Cliff T.

Originally posted on My Point Your Point May 7, 2016

Daniel and Jorge Explain The Universe Hosts Present Their Second Book - Frequenty Asked Questions About The Universe

   

They are back! And they have a new book. Daniel and Jorge the duo that discuss all things universe have published a new book and it's called Frequently Asked Questions About the Universe. And it looks like a good read with a variety of topics. When I saw the notification in my inbox I immediately jumped on it and asked Daniel to connect again for another interview here on Candid Conversations. Welcome back Daniel.

Daniel W.: Thanks for inviting me!

Cliff T.: First off congrats on the new book. Let me guess you decided to write this book because you are getting so many requests to answer the same questions that you felt it would be a good idea to answer them in book form. Would I be right?

Daniel W.: That’s part of it. On our podcast (www.danielandjorge.com), we encourage listeners to write in with their personal questions about the Universe. And we have definitely noticed some trends. Mostly, we love seeing how many people have big questions about the Universe. Wondering about how reality works, where it came from and how it might end, is part of being human. You don’t have to be a scientist to be curious!

Cliff T.: One of the fascinations I see or hear on your podcasts surrounds black holes which I do see covered in the book. Which kind of tells me that you drew a lot of inspiration from the podcast and questions you get from people listening to it, is that an accurate assumption?

Daniel W.: We talk about black holes a lot on the podcast, because they are one of the most mysterious and fascinating objects in the Universe. And because they are REAL. It’s still amazing to me that this crazy prediction from the minds of humans turns out to actually exist out there in space. And so one chapter in the book answers the question: what would it be like to jump into a black hole? You can read an excerpt here: https://lithub.com/what-happens-if-you-get-sucked-into-a-black-hole/ 

Cliff T.: One of the chapters I see is Why Do We Ask Questions, that is interesting. Daniel what do you think is driving questions about warping into space and our sun going boom?

Daniel W.: I think people want to know what it means to be human and what the cosmic context of our lives is. That’s what physics tells us: where we stand in the grand sweep of space and time. So when people ask about whether there are aliens or how the Universe was created, I think they really want to know what it means for them and their lives.

Cliff T.: I think what is really interesting here is how much your books and the podcast are driving curiosity about the universe, it is almost like you and Jorge have become spokespeople for the universe.

Daniel W.: Curiosity is definitely our jam! The books and the podcast try to help people connect with their curiosity. We also launched a TV show on PBS, called Elinor Wonders Why (pbskids.org/elinor) which encourages curiosity and scientific thinking in preschoolers!

Cliff T.: How are you planning on promoting the book, any book signing events coming up and if so where?

Daniel W.: With COVID, everything is uncertain, but we hope to get out there and meet readers.

Cliff T.: As you know I am from Canada, and am wondering are there any Canadian connections with regard to the book and if so who or what are they?

Daniel W.: We have a lot of listeners in Canada, many of whom send in wonderful questions.

Cliff T.: You and Jorge have been doing the podcast since at least 2018 with more than 300 episodes. You are now on your second book and you both have day jobs, how on earth do you keep it all straight?

Daniel W.: It’s something we love to do. Talking about science and thinking about the big mysteries of the Universe is what drives my science career also.

Cliff T.: When did you guys decide to do the book?

Daniel W.: In 2019, after we finished our tours for the first book and the podcast had taken off. It felt like a nice companion project to the podcast.

Cliff T.: Well if you ever come up to Canada count me in for a connect with you guys, once again congratulations on your book and the success you and Jorge have had with Daniel and Jorge Explain the Universe.

Daniel W.: Thank you very much!

Daniel Whiteson and Jorge Cham are authors, podcasters and both have a lot of knowledge.

Jorge Cham is the creator of “Piled Higher and Deeper” (a.k.a. “PHD Comics”), the popular comic strip about life (or lack thereof) in Academia. He holds a PhD in robotics from Stanford University and is a former instructor and research associate at Caltech. PhD in robotics from Stanford University and is a former instructor and research associate at Caltech.

Daniel Whiteson is a Professor of Physics at the Dept. of Physics & Astronomy at the University of California, Irvine. and a fellow of the American Physical Society. He earned his PhD in physics from the University of California, Berkeley, and is an active researcher, using the Large Hadron Collider at CERN to search for exotic new particles.

For more about the book and other projects they do visit https://sites.uci.edu/universefaq/ and on your favorite podcast app you can find Daniel and Jorge Explain the Universe, produced by iHeart Radio. Daniel probably wrote us from his office in Irvine CA.

Sandy Phillips Kirkham - Author Let Me Prey Upon You - A Candid Conversation Everyone Should Read Especially Clergy

Just a bit of fair warning before I introduce my guest, the subject matter in this edition of Candid Conversations may be somewhat disturbing to those reading. I will put some links below to resources you can access to help you deal with this topic.

I have to say my experience with the church, Anglican and Pentecostal was pretty good. I had interactions with clergy as a teen and had no problems at all. For the vast majority of people this is the case. Unfortunately this is not always the case. Thousands of young girls and boys have been abused by clergy. Canada is now facing the horrific history of it's role in attempting to completely wipe out indigenous culture via the residential school system, mostly run by churches. Even in evangelical circles there are tales of abuse that are just mind boggling. Thankfully people like my guest do speak out and shed light on the issue.

At age 16 Sandy Phillips Kirkham put her trust in a clergyman who then took advantage of that and for several years sexually assaulted her, she was able to confront the person responsible and has written a book called Let Me Prey Upon You. The book documents the story. Today Sandy advocates for victims of abuse by clergy, and is a keynote speaker.

Sandy thanks for jumping in to do a Candid Conversation.

Sandy K.: Thank you for this opportunity

Cliff T.: One of the things I noticed is that you have a certificate from the Faith Trust Institute. Can you explain what that organization does?

Sandy K.: Founded by Marie Fortune, they provide a wide range of resources, services and training for victim advocates as well as boundary training for clergy to address clergy abuse. I would highly recommend her book “Is Nothing Sacred”

Cliff T.: Now I know that you advocate for victims, do you also engage with clergy and if so how?

Sandy K.: I have spoken at Cincinnati Christian University to the seminary students studying to be ministers and pastors to give them a victim’s perspective and the damage done when a pastor crosses the boundaries of his/her ministry. I work with a ministry called, The Hope of Survivors, which helps women who have been sexually abused by their pastors but also has a pastor division to help educate and prevent future abuses. I have also had the opportunity to work with churches as they develop policy around this issue.

Cliff T.: If I can use this cliche, You have taken something that is negative in your life and turned into a positive. That must of have been really challenging?

Sandy K.: It was a challenge. I was angry and sad for what he did to me and what he took from me. I wanted justice . I was frustrated by the response of church leadership, not only to my experience, but to their response to other victims as well. After realizing my own abuser would remain in ministry in spite of my many efforts to have him removed, I had to figure out a way to let go of the anger and accept an outcome I could not change. So what could I do? I could tell my story to help other victims and to hopefully help educate others to prevent further abuse in our faith communities. I didn’t plan to take this path, but it was the path I found myself on. I began to understand my story was powerful and could have an impact.

Cliff T.: The book Let Me Prey Upon You, very interesting title by the way, highlights your your not so great encounter with a minister. Sandy what do you hope readers get out of reading the book? And what was it like for you to write the book, how did it affect you?

Sandy K.: I hope my story conveys the damage done to one’s spiritual life. It wasn’t just what he did to me, but who he was when he did it, my pastor. His actions against me contaminated and tainted every aspect of my spiritual life. The effects of sexual abuse are lifelong.

I also hope through telling my story I can demonstrate how these perpetrators work and the tools and techniques they use to pull their victims in. It’s important to understand the terms grooming, love bombing, gaslighting, and manipulation.

Cliff T.: This book is powerful, the title as I mentioned and the picture of the wolf and lamb are very symbolic in the church. The wolf being the devil and the lamb God's children that is very very significant imagery, what were you intending to say with those images?

Sandy K.:: The shepherd of the sheep is not a shepherd, but a wolf in sheep’s clothing looking to prey upon one of God’s children. The wolf is looking for the weaker trusting lamb.

Matthew 7:15 “Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravishing wolves.”

Cliff T.: What make clergy abuse different from other forms of sexual abuse?

Sandy K.: Any abuse is horrific, but when that abuse occurs in the church or under the guise of a spiritual leader, it touches a very sacred part of our soul. These men, sometimes women, will twist scripture to justify their actions. They prey upon our trust in them as one was called by God. It leaves us with a deep disconnect from God. For most people church is a place of renewal of healing and a place to connect to others through our shared rituals such as communion, prayer and song. For victims of clergy abuse it becomes a place of conflict and pain. They have robbed us of our joy and love for the church.

Cliff T.: How are churches failing in dealing with clergy abuse? What are they doing right?

Sandy K: Remove errant pastors. No discussion. They fail by seeing the sexual abuse as a moral issue only. They respond with the teachings of “All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God”. Judge lest not ye be judged” and “God forgives so we should forgive” The perpetrator asks for forgiveness and the church somehow feels obligated to give them a second chance. A second chance at ministry is a second chance to reoffend. The goal of restoring a pastor who has committed sexual misconduct should be to restore them back to Christ, not back to his job. You can forgive him but by his own actions he has lost the privilege of ministry. Removing them and refusing to rehire them is not refusing grace or forgiveness. It is simply acknowledging they are not fit for ministry.

It is not just a moral fall, it is a professional violation. He has broken the vows of his ordination and his commitment to God. Any time a person agrees to help another whether it is a teacher, counselor or physician, he or she takes on the responsibility to maintain the proper boundaries and when they fail, they lose their license.

And finally church leadership needs to stop referring to sexual misconduct as falling into sin or a moral fall or a sin of the heart. It is sexual misconduct. Any other term sanitizes it and diminishes the act.

I think churches are taking steps to protect their members . Policies are being written and reinforced. Where once the topic was never discussed it is now front and center. Churches are also taking steps to train their clergy on boundaries and how not only protect those they are serving but they themselves.

Cliff T.: Sandy what has the reaction to the book been like for you and how is the church itself reacting to it?

Sandy K.: The reaction from victims has been overwhelmingly heartfelt. So many have told me how my story was so similar to their own and thanked me for being a voice for them. I have often thought over the years how my own experience would have been different if I had heard someone's story of abuse at the time my own abuse was occurring. Would it have given me the courage to break away from my abuser? Would it have given me the courage to tell someone? Would I know I was not alone?

Most church elders and leaders are receptive but many have difficulty with removing abusive clergy permanently. Again, I think for all the reasons I mentioned above, but also because it is difficult to discipline one of your own. They also fear the reputation of the church being hurt by exposing an abuser. It’s not the abuser that will hurt the church but the cover up and the failure to support the victim that does the damage. I do see a shift in churches recognizing this is an issue they can no longer sweep under the rug. Several pastors have said by reading my book they have a greater understanding of the damage done to a victim.

Cliff T.: Obviously the book and the current work you do is having an impact. Before closing here I would like to ask this crucial question What should parishioners, board members and other clergy look for when it comes to dealing with sexual misconduct?

Sandy K.: First trust your gut. So often people will see something that doesn’t seem right but because it is the pastor, priest or rabbi they dismiss it. If it is not behavior you would find appropriate with another adult don’t ignore it because it’s the pastor.

Watch for signs that the pastor is paying extra attention to one individual

Be protective of the vulnerable ones. Abusers look for those in crisis, low self-esteem or someone who is emotionally compromised.

Cliff T.: Sandy, thanks so much for doing a Canddi Conversation. I really appreciate the time you took to discuss the book and your work.

Sandy Phillips Kirkham, author, speaker and advocate. Her work revolves around advocacy for victims of abuse by clergy and Sandy has earned a certificate of completion from the Faith Trust Institute entitled, “A Sacred Trust: Boundary Issues for Clergy and Spiritual Teachers.” She is a public speaker and has worked with officials in the church to combat abuse by clergy. Sandy wrote to us from Ohio. You can visit her site on the web at https://sandyphillipskirkham.com/ and you can find the book, Let Me Prey Upon You on Amazon via the app or the web.

Now here are some resources you can connect with.

In Canada, Kids Help Phone https://kidshelpphone.ca/ and at 800 688 6868 Text 686868.

Ending Violence Association of Canada has a list of resources you can connect with. Go to the site by clicking here.

SNAP an organization that spans the globe and gives voice to victims of abuse by priests.

Cliff T.

Coach John Freedom Nutrition Coaching - A Candid Conversation About Dieting

I have never been on a diet. I know many people who have including my wife Dolly. From what I have seen it can be quite challenging to manage a diet and not all diets are created equal. Some are really good others just awful.

Besides the diet there is the culture around it. Fat shaming, celebs hawking the latest and greatest and of course the media and fashion industries views on what is in make for a real challenging choice. How to do a diet the right way.That is where someone like my guest Coach Jonathan McLernon comes in. He's been there so to speak, at one point carrying 300lbs himself. But, he was able to figure out the balance and I am happy to have him here on Candid Conversations to chat about what he did and how he can help you get going in the right direction.

Coach welcome to Candid Conversations

Jon M.: Thank you for reaching out and connecting with me. This is my first ever email interview :)

Cliff T.: Coach, I saw a real interesting quote you made, diets suck. That put a smile on the face for sure, what in your mind is the reason why you think diets suck?

Jon M.: Because they’re the equivalent of deciding to put yourself into a straitjacket, in hopes of achieving a result. But the problem is, no one actually enjoys being in a straitjacket.

But we justify it by saying “I just need to do it for X length of time”. Well, what happens after that?

Probably a return to old behaviors that got you stuck in the first place, and because the diet was miserable deprivation, a further dislike for diets in general.

The issue here is, the underlying idea that the only way to lose weight is through misery and deprivation. Well, yeah, if you don’t address the root cause (ie. the Brain) which is why in my program Lifestyle-180, I focus on what I call “Brain-Driven weight loss.

Since the concept of “Brain-Driven” weight loss might be unheard of for most people, I’ll add a bit of amplifying detail:

Brain-Driven weight loss is a term that I’ve coined to shine a light on the fact that, while yes, what we eat, and how we choose to be active (or not), will influence our weight and health, it’s actually the brain that drives our decision making and our actions.

So many efforts to create change and weight loss take an outside-in approach, and fail to acknowledge that it’s our internal environment (from our emotions, mindset, psychology and habits) that most powerfully influence our behaviors and ultimately our results.

Many of our actions take place at the subconscious or unconscious level, because of a variety of factors, not the least of which, is the brain’s propensity for forming habits from repeated behaviors. Our behaviors are very often driven by our habits, our emotions, and our beliefs, acting in congruence with our sense of identity.

So, if we want to create permanent weight loss, we have to create permanent change. And we can only create permanent change by establishing a new pattern of behaviors, habits and sense of identity, and all of this takes place due to the marvelous property of our brain called neuroplasticity, which refers to our brain’s ability to rewire itself.

Cliff T.: So you decided to do something about that and now have a company Freedom Nutrition Coaching. Obviously not just a diet but lifestyle, how does it work?

Jon M.: Most weight loss programs involve strict food rules, restrictive meal plans, expensive supplement regimes, and are really the equivalent of forcing someone into a temporary straightjacket, to try and unnaturally force weight loss to happen.

It very often involves judgement, shame, coercion, and frankly, downright terrible coaching.

Lifestyle-180 is, at its core 3 things: we marry the science of metabolism with the psychology of behavior change and the compassion of human connection, so that we can empower each individual in the program to reverse-engineer their own healthy lifestyle.

Each person I work with, we treat this like 2 experts collaborating towards a common goal: the client is the expert of their own life experience, and I bring my expertise in nutrition science and change psychology.

And, as we touched on earlier, we do this through our Brain-Driven approach. The brain is the driver of our behavior, and when we work with our brain, rather than try to fight against it, we make it possible to create permanent transformation.

Cliff T.: Was there a moment or event that inspired you to start this company?

Jon M.: There’s been a few actually. But the name “Freedom Nutrition Coaching” came from a particular client who said “I don’t want to live in ‘Nutrition Prison’ anymore”

And so, I say that weight loss is a doorway, not a destination.

The truth is, while weight loss is going to improve the health of almost anyone that undertakes it, it’s never really about a number on the scale. It’s about quality of life.

That number is really just a placeholder for a future that we feel it will enable us to live in.

One where we feel comfortable in our own skin, where we can wear almost anything and feel great, where we can live life more fully, whether that’s not feeling out of breath when hiking beautiful mountains, or getting down on the floor to play with kids or grandkids …

Freedom to do the activity you want, instead of the one you wish.

Weight loss gives us the opportunity to experience life more fully. And so it’s important to understand that happiness does not lie in seeing a certain number on the scale.

Yes, we might feel a sense of accomplishment for a day or two, but really happiness lies in being able to live independently on our terms.

It's also about leaving behind an identity that is slowly suffocating you, replacing it with one where you love life and never have to worry about crazy fad diets and supplements again.

Cliff T.: Where do you think people go wrong with diets, what is the biggest thing you see that throws a flag up to diet success?

Jon M.: We’re strongly drawn to this idea of quick fixes. Fad diets prey on this.

It makes sense because we want to believe the promise. That weight loss is quick and easy. It’s an attractive idea.

We don’t want to acknowledge the reality that weight loss, permanent weight loss, is actually quite challenging.

You see, we live with this constant tension within ourselves. We, as human beings, have a nervous system that is hard-wired to seek out comfort, and avoid pain, suffering and difficulty.

And yet, the essence of what makes us human, we could say, our soul, is hardwired for growth.

And so we find ourselves oscillating between this dynamic tension of how good it feels to remain inside our comfort zone, and this innate calling to do and be better.

And, I would argue that the more mentally and emotionally stressed and distressed we become, the harder it is to voluntarily leave our comfort zone.

And I’m inclined to think we live in a more emotionally and mentally stressful world than ever before, while living with an unprecedented level of convenience at our fingertips that can allow us to meet all of our basic human needs without ever having to remove our bum from a seat.

Cliff T.: Coach, a lot of people start a business based on an idea they go full tilt and then crash. How did you approach launching and building Freedom Nutrition Coaching and how is it going thus far?

Jon M.: It’s definitely had it’s challenges, and I have had 2 previous business failures, and I took a lot of lessons from those.

I’ve been successfully running this business as my sole income source for 3 years now, which, in itself is quite an achievement, considering most businesses won’t make it past the first year, especially after COVID crushed a lot of small businesses.

I also now mentor new online coaches and teach them how to build a sustainable and scalable online business. I approach it in 4 stages, similar to building a house.

The Foundation: This is understanding who you are best suited to help and how to communicate that to your audience and potential customers.

The Framework: This is building out your digital infrastructure. How will you actually deliver on the promise you make with your offer.

The Finishing Touches: This is about crafting your client experience. How do you ensure that clients have a positive experience, from the time that they first encounter your business, to the point where they are so happy they refer others to you.

The last piece is the Housewarming Party: what good is it to build a business if you’re not going to talk about what you do. The important thing here is to understand that no one wants to be spammed or annoyed.

And, so there’s a proper way to go about that, though for the sake of brevity, we can save the details for another conversation :).

Cliff T.: Earlier you explained how your program works. How would you modify or handle clients with dietary needs, diabetics and those with tolerance issues or who are on drugs that create challenges when it comes to weight loss?

Jon M.: The biggest factor here is using that information to help the client shape their expectations appropriately. These complicating factors can, and often will, make the process of weight loss more difficult.

But, not impossible. The biggest thing that leads to clients quitting a weight loss program is discouragement. And unmet expectations are at the heart of this.

So, taking the time to educate the client and help them to understand how these factors will affect their efforts, so that they ultimately have realistic expectations.

Yes, there can be some technical details to address under specific circumstances, but the fundamental principles that lead to weight loss (nutrition, activity, stress management and sleep quality) are still the most important.

The thing to remember here is that ultimately this is about crafting and engineering a lifestyle that is realistic, sustainable and enjoyable.

If we want to create permanent weight loss and health, we need to create a lifestyle, not a temporary diet.

Cliff T.: Coach, do you have any advice for people who are looking at doing a diet a program like yours. Where should one start to make an informed decision?

Jon M: Well, I’d say have a look at the results the program can produce. For example, people can read some of the 90+ 5-star reviews on Google about Freedom Nutrition Coaching. Or go to www.freedomnutritioncoach.com/results.

But, also, be wary of any company that promises “fast”, “easy”, “effortless”, or some absurd result like “lose 30lbs in 30 days”. These sorts of wild promises are extremely unhealthy, and will not produce lasting results.

I also offer people a free no obligation 30-minute nutrition consultation, where, even if we don’t decide to work together, I guarantee that people will leave that conversation knowing what they need to do to achieve their goals.

Anybody who would like to take me up on this offer is welcome to do so using this link here: https://calendly.com/coachjon/letschat

I think also knowing what it is that you want to accomplish. As I touched on earlier, weight loss is a doorway, it’s not the destination.

Also, do some research for yourself, but don’t get sucked into the infinite vortex of confusion that is the world of “nutritional tribalism”.

I consider myself a dietary agnostic, because many of the fad diets out there really share the same common success principles:

1 - Manage portion sizes appropriately

2 - Eat junk food sparingly

3 - Include vegetables in most of your meals

4 - Include lean protein in most of your meals

5 - Have a regular activity routine

6 - Strive to get quality sleep each night

7 - Actively manage your stress

8 - Drink sufficient water

The challenge here is, how do we shape these fundamental practices into a desirable and enjoyable lifestyle that suits the individual. And that’s what I set out to do in my program, Lifestyle-180.

Empower people to reverse engineer their own healthy lifestyle.

Cliff T.: I bet your days are pretty busy running this business and doing other things. Having said that, what has been the best part of doing this work?

Jon M.: When a client says “this program has been life-changing”. It thrills my heart. Yes, this is my business and how I make my living, but I do this because I truly love what I do.

I walked away from a high paying job and career that had stability, into the uncertain world of entrepreneurship, because this is truly what I want to do with my life.

Cliff T: Coach, great to have you join us here on Candid conversations. I hope that you have a great day and that Freedom Nutrition Coaching continues to grow and be a beacon of hope and change for those who seek it.

Jon M.: Thank you again for reaching out and being my first ever email interview!

I would like to leave your readers with a free resource that they might find helpful. I have a short eBook guide called “Crush Your Cravings” that will teach people a simple 4-step method to overcome night-time snacking, and self-sabotage.

They can get a copy at: https://nofndiets.rocks/crush-your-cravings

Coach Jon McLernon is the man behind Freedom Nutrition Coaching. The company helps people with weight loss and does so in supportive and unique manner. You can find them on the web at https://freedomnutritioncoach.com/

Before moving forward with any diet or program it's always recommended that you consult with a doctor to ensure that the plan is the correct fit for you.

Coach Jon wrote to us from Red Deer AB.

Baseball The Way It Used to Be? A Candid Conversation With Jamie Siragusa - Federal Baseball League

As a boy I remember Montreal and of course the Montreal Expos, I even saw them play at Jarry Park, it was a night game. Eventually the team found a new home at Olympic Stadium now known as Stade Olympique. In 2004 the team left and became the Washington Nationals. That left one team Toronto, but that is about to change with the creation of a new league known as the Federal Baseball League.

Jamie Siragusa is the commissioner of the league and I am very pleased to be able to have him join me in a Candid Conversation about the league. Which by the way is expected to launch in 2023. Mr. Commissioner welcome thanks for taking time out to speak to me and my audience here on Candid Conversations.

Jamie S.: Thank you, Cliff, I appreciate the opportunity to discuss our new league with your audience.

Cliff T.: Mention the word baseball in the professional sense and automatically one thins of the MLB format with it's American and National leagues. How close to the level of skill will the Federal Baseball League be to the MLB?

Jamie S.: Quite candidly, although we intend to make this league compete at the highest level possible, there is no way that we can claim that we would expect to be on par with Major League Baseball. What we our striving to achieve, however, is to create a level of baseball that is somewhere in between Triple-A and the big leagues.

Cliff T.: One of the interesting things that caught my eye, besides the Montreal angle was that you intended to be different from the MLB, how do you intend to do that?

Jamie S.: We are going to differentiate ourselves from Major League Baseball in a variety of ways, but, the most important way will be in how we treat the fans. Right now, MLB takes its fans for granted, mostly because they have no direct competition. That, of course, will change when Federal League Baseball begins play.

Another important difference is that Federal League will treat its players are partners. The relationship between the players and management will be cooperative rather than belligerent.

Cliff T.: From what I read you find that the game has a slow pace, can you explain what you mean by that and how the FBL will differ?

Jamie S.: MLB games take far too long and there are too many periods of inaction. We believe that, despite their assertions to the contrary, MLB wants it to be this way. Somehow, their research tells them that it is more profitable to do things that way.

Federal League’s brand of baseball will have games that average two hours and 30 minutes, or less, by design. We will have shorter in between inning breaks. We will keep the batters in the box in between pitches, and, we will instruct our umpires to keep the game moving, just like MLB used to do, a long, long time ago.

Cliff T.: Will the rules of the game be similar to that of the MLB and would that also include a different size of the playing field?

Jamie S.: Federal League Baseball will utilize traditional baseball rules. By that, I mean that we will not employ any of the newer gimmicks introduced in professional baseball recently. We will not have “automatic” runners in extra innings. We will not schedule seven inning doubleheaders. We will not mandate that pitchers have to face any more than one batter, or anything similar to that. Essentially, if you took a Major League rule book from, oh, let’s say, 1971, that would be the style of baseball we will be playing.

We will use the tradition size baseball diamond. There is no need to tamper with perfection.

Cliff T.: Your looking at 18 cities for teams that will number 12 players, besides Montreal what cities are you hoping to put teams into?

Jamie S.: To clarify, the league is designed to have 12 teams (teams will have 25 players on their rosters), with six in each of two divisions. We have at least 18 cities in major markets under consideration. From that list, we will pick the final 12 teams.

New York, Chicago, and Los Angeles are, of course the biggest TV markets and we fully expect to pursue those cities. We also have our eye on cities like Vancouver and New Orleans that are underserved by professional baseball.

Cliff T.: Another interesting thing caught my eye Jamie. Your release indicates that you are going to look at getting players from foreign leagues and even former MLB players, that is interesting, any thoughts on whom you might like to have sign to a team?

Jamie S.: With our first pitch still almost two years away, it would be difficult to forecast who we might be able to sign, but, by way of example, look at someone like Felix Hernandez, the former Mariners’ pitcher. He was offered a minor league contract by the Baltimore Orioles this spring and then he opted out of that contract and he is currently a free agent. Someone like that, a former big leaguer looking to resurrect their career, that kind of player would definitely draw our interest.

Cliff T.: Jamie what prompted you and the other founders of the Federal Baseball League to create the league and how long has this process been in the works?

Jamie S.: Quite honestly, the current path of Major League Baseball, its poor and unimaginative leadership, its callous disregard for its fans and its own traditions, its overt politicism, has been the biggest impetus for us. We want baseball to be how it used to be, and we realized that it was never going to happen unless we did it ourselves.

Cliff T.: I have to ask, have you played and when did you and the other founders decide to bring the idea of a new league into the sportsphere?

Jamie S.: All of the founders have playing backgrounds of varying levels.

The idea has been rolling around in my head since the Major League strike in 1994, but, recently, I had noticed that there were a lot of baseball fans, hardcore, lifelong, baseball fans that felt similar to how I feel-that Major League Baseball, while it has the best talent in the world, is poorly run, poorly played, and poorly presented.

Cliff T.: From what I see there already is a Federal Baseball League in Florida, so are you basically expanding this league in hopes of competing with the MLB or offering an alternative to the MLB?

Jamie S.: The league we currently operate in Florida is something that I developed in 1993 for former college and pro players to continue playing the game. Back then, there were few alternatives, other than softball or golf, for accomplished players that loved the game. I started the Florida league to have a place for those players, as well as myself, to keep playing baseball.

However, that league really has nothing to do with our professional league that we are currently organizing. Maybe someday we will use it as a developmental league, but, right now, they are connected in name, and spirit, only.

Cliff T.: As I mentioned earlier I am from Montreal and this release really grabbed my attention. Many in the city and outside of Montreal would love to see baseball come back to the city. What kind of reaction are you getting from the cities you have suggested putting teams into and have other cities reached out with an interest in being part of the league?

Jamie S.: We are just beginning to get a positive reaction from the civic leaders and business communities in our target cities. Naturally, we are initially met with some skepticism, people find it hard to accept that anyone can successfully challenge Major League Baseball for its audience, but when those people hear the details of our plan, they start to see the possibilities.

Cliff T.: Jamie I bet you are working night and day to get ready for 2023, for you what has been like to see this idea through to where you are now and what are you hoping the league will accomplish post launch?

Jamie S.: Like anything else worth doing, it has been a grind. Mostly, right now, the challenge is getting the word out and getting people to believe. Once we are able to complete a broadcast deal for the league, things will begin to happen rapidly.

We have a timeline for getting things accomplished that lead to a season opening in April 2023 and, so far, we are on target.

Cliff T.: Awesome I really do appreciate your taking time out to talk about this league and I wish you tons of success.

Jamie S.: Thank you, Cliff. I am delighted to have the opportunity to discuss Federal League Baseball with you. Let’s make it a point to meet at the new Montreal team’s home opener in 2023.

Jamie Siragusa is the CEO and Commissioner of the Federal Baseball League. They are planning to launch a new more innovative approach to baseball in 2023 with a game that is faster and more fan friendly. You can follow the progress at https://www.federalleague.com/quadA.htm

Social Media: Twitter - Quad A Baseball Federal League Pro Baseball

Instagram - Quad A Baseball Federal League Pro Baseball
Facebook - Quad A Baseball Federal League Pro Baseball

Jamie wrote to us from Fort Lauderdale FL.

Dating Gone To The Dogs Cats and Birdies Via FetchaDate - A Candid Conversation With Sheryl Matthys

Love me love my dog, ever here that expression? Well, there is a rather interesting app that has been developed that has a focus on dogs, though cat and bird owners are also welcome as well. Okay, any animal lover is welcome. I kid not dear animal lover who is looking for love. Or just likes hanging around people with dogs, cats, turtles, horses etc etc, this platform may be the ticket to romance.

I have to say I like the name of this app, check this out it's called FetchaDate. LOL, I think this is really interesting, so I reached out to the founder Sheryl Matthys to share and guide us through this platform.

Sheryl, nice to meet you. Thanks for doing a Candid Conversations chat today.

Sheryl M.: Hi Cliff, I can’t wait to stir up Candid Conversations on pets!

Cliff T.: I am a cat person just an FYI here, married quite some time now 24 years, but let’s say I wanted to meet someone, and I had a big fluffy cat - would you say that FetchaDate is or should be one of the first apps to look at?

Sheryl M.: Definitely! Especially because you know everyone at FetchaDate™ is an animal lover – you’re preaching to the choir. Single pet lovers never have to worry about whether a potential date gets their love of animals. 

And, in the FetchaDate app, the pet introduces you. We “get it” when pet people pull out their phone to show others their pets’ antics photos so it makes perfect sense that in the dating app their pet is the icebreaker.

A close-up pic of a gorgeous big fluffy cat would get more people swiping right and that means more opportunities to chat with pet people. I mean, come on – who could swipe left – unless they’re just not into cats or that much fur or are allergic.

Cliff T.: Off the top we know the attraction of pets, you say in your press release that people want to meet the pet, then the human. How true is that? What kind of science told you that this kind of app would garner an audience?

Sheryl M.: Well, statistics show that 55% of singles are pet owners. In creating the FetchaDate format, it was my experience of interviewing hundreds of dog owners at my dog events, writing my book, Leashes and Lovers along with intuition to showcase their pet first in the app. Walking down the street, people easily strike up conversations with others who have pets as they’re hard to resist! People tend to check out the dog first, then the person. Pets help people appear friendlier, outgoing, and even more attractive. Attendees at my parties made their way around the room asking questions about each other’s pets without asking about their jobs. It was refreshing and people were connecting on a different level.

Featuring pets first in a profile draws people in. Science has shown that staring into animals’ eyes can release oxytocin—that feel-good tingling feeling. Medical News Today reports oxytocin is associated with empathy, trust, and relationships. I call it the “love hormone”. And, looking into a pet’s eyes can make you feel that way.

Also, a 2020 Studyfind.org survey of 2,000 American online dating users finds that about two in five have “swiped right,” or showed interest in another user solely because they wanted to hang out with the dog featured in one of their pictures.

Of the 2,000 participants, 63% of dog owners in the survey said that including their pet in their profile photo helped them find success matching with others online.

The numbers are growing of millennials having pets too, especially guys! According to a 2017 survey, Millennial males in the United States are more likely to be cat and/or dog owners than their female counterparts.
MALES:  48% owned a cat and 71% owned a dog
FEMALES: 35% cat, 62% dog

Cliff T.: And the 64,000-dollar question, how’s it going? What’s the response to FetchaDate?

Sheryl M.: We launched on Valentine’s Day and it’s fun to see it grow. We have people from around the country and around the world creating profiles. We’ve expanded on several platforms @fetchadate on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, and Pinterest. We’re at @fetchadateapp on twitter. We love for pet lovers to submit photos of themselves and their pet for us to share in our newsletter and social media.

Cliff T.: Sheryl, there are lots of dating apps and sadly lots of profiles do get set up with regents, for those not in the know these are fake profiles with pictures of models. How are ensuring that this does not happen, or shall I say how do you lessen those profiles impact or presence on the app?

Sheryl M.: Thankfully, modern technology is making it harder to be a fake. At FetchaDate, users sign up with their mobile number and verify it with a code much like when you login to your bank, so there are no fake email signups on the platform. We believe that is a step in preventing illegitimate signups.

We believe ‘pet people’ in general are more truthful in their photos and truly want to show off their pets, and photos of them together.

Also, because you see the pet first (real or virtual) there isn’t the same appeal to post fake photos. Users can report to us what they believe are inappropriate and fake images. We monitor the app as well in efforts to prevent and/or stop quickly any such action.

The good news is especially since the pandemic; online dating apps have seen a rise in new users. The stigma of online dating has worn off and people have become comfortable saying they met on an online dating site or app.Stanford

Sociologist Michael Rosenfeld, who’s studied dating for more than 20 years, says meeting someone through family/friends has been declining while online dating increases. People are trusting new dating technology, and dating apps make it easier to find singles with like-minded interests. Users want to start in a place they’re more likely to find someone with common ground.

Well, that works perfectly for FetchaDate!

Cliff T.: This concept is unique, positively brilliant. How did you come up with FetchaDate?

Sheryl M.: The idea of connecting pet lovers came about because of my first Greyhound, Shiraz. Being a transplant from the Midwest to NYC, at first, it was a little rough making friends. Because we lived in a 4^th floor walkup, Shiraz needed to be walked several times a day. With my dog, the city became a kumbaya moment as if around a campfire. People stopped to talk with me and pet her. They smiled, made eye contact and it felt like the heavens parted. That usually didn’t happen before having her. That’s when I realized this could be the perfect way to help people meet others and build quality relationships.

As a former TV news reporter and then in NYC an actress – I had an idea. This could make a fun TV show. When someone has a pet, meeting other people is easier – it’s the icebreaker.

So, I created a reality-show pilot called, Heads or Tails and pitched it at NYTVF and a TV Pilot competition. Meanwhile, I wanted to take immediate action and started holding single dog lover events called, Leashes and Lovers.

Leashes and Lovers events connected dog lovers – some found dates, some made everlasting friends. At the events, I’d interview dog lovers about their dating dilemmas and other issues that arose like, “Does your dog sleep in your bed?” And “Would there be a 2^nd date if someone didn’t like your dog?”

This became such useful research and information that I wrote a book, “Leashes and Lovers: What Your Dog Can Teach You About Love, Life, and Happiness”

I discovered first-hand how important it is to dog lovers to connect with a date and potential partner who is fond of dogs. Especially for women, it’s at the top of their list. I created the name ‘FetchaDate’ early on and decided the ‘dating app’ aspect would be most clear with that name and to include other pets as well, so the slogan is, Where Pet Lovers Meet!

Cliff T.: How long did it take to develop it and besides pet owners who are you looking to attract with this app?

Sheryl M.: After many late nights and decisions, FetchaDate app launched in the App Store and Google Play in 2021 after a few years in the making. It’s geared to single pet lovers looking to date and find their perfect match in a partner. The person doesn’t have to currently have a pet, but a desire to meet others who have an affinity to a pet household lifestyle. Sometimes it’s easier if only one of the daters have a pet – fewer things to go wrong such as one pet not liking the other.

One doesn’t have to be “Must love dogs” to be in the app, but users may attest to the idea to at least be ‘Like My Pet’ for there to be a 2^nd date.

Cliff T.: Sheryl, you mention that subscribers don’t have to have a pet and can instead use a WingPet. Okay, what’s a WingPet?

Sheryl M.: In FetchaDate, your WingPet™ is your trusted adviser, front person to represent you. It showcases your personality, and even leaves clues about your interests, character, and values. It can be one of your real pets or one of our several virtual pets you pick from within the FetchaDate app. The virtual pets are animated so you recognize when someone has a virtual pet versus confusing it with a photo of a real pet.

A virtual pet simply says this person may not currently own a pet but is a pet lover. At FetchaDate, we understand some people may be in between pets for a myriad of reasons. In that case, “No Pet, No Problem™”. Choose a virtual pet!

The virtual pet could signify a type of pet they’ve had or plan to have; or simply represent an extension of the person’s personality. They could have a virtual horse, cat, parrot, snake, dog, pig, turtle… yet never intend to own one. For instance, they may feel connected to a virtual horse’s beauty, speed, grace to represent their own personality. Most of all it’s that the people in FetchaDate are animal lovers, accepting of other animal lovers.

Here's how it works in “fetch Who’s Behind” search area. First, you see the pet (real or virtual). Then you have a few choices. A. You can scroll up to see clues on the person behind that pet. B. Swipe right on their WingPet for a potential match. Or C. tap the blurred image with the ?-mark leash over it, to instantly see the person and then decide yes or no.

Cliff T.: So hypothetically I could use a WingPet like a cat, since I am a cat guy to showcase my profile, but is that being tricky? If I do not have a pet, how would the person on the other side know if that I really do not have a pet?

Sheryl M.:To be most clear that you don’t currently have a cat, you pick one of our several “virtual” cats. Virtual cats include Bengal, American Curl (it’s fully), Canadian Sphynx, Grumpy Cat, Japanese Bobtail, Maine Coon (very fluffy), Munchkin, Persian, and Siamese.

Or you could upload a photo of a previous real cat you had or one you desire. In the ‘About’ section is a good place to describe your pet situation. You may have a wonderful story to share about your previous pets.

Cliff T.: Besides dogs and cats, can subscribers showcase other animals and what kinds of animals are not permitted on the site? Let me guess monkeys and elephants, and other exotic animals, correct?

Sheryl M.: Pet lovers can show any animal as their WingPet™ they feel may represent their personality, values, interests. It doesn’t mean they have that pet. If they don’t though, it’d be good of them to explain in their ‘About’ section why they have that pet as their WingPet and if it’s for real or a virtual pet.

Showcasing exotic animals on FetchaDate does not mean we endorse it. If we feel an image is inappropriate, we may remove it, or others can report an image, and we’ll evaluate it.

In FetchaDate, we match people through their values and personality. The human’s profile consists of name, age, location, motto, work, about.  And they ‘fetch 5’ predetermined interests from our list, and personality attributes which are included in their profile. 

Pets (real or virtual) also get a profile which include name, breed, and ‘fetch 3’ personality attributes.

Cliff T.: FetchaDate offers free subscription, and paid what is the difference between the two or should I say what do you get with a paid vs free account?

Sheryl M.: Creating a profile and chatting with matches on FetchaDate is free! This includes the human and one pet profile (real or virtual pet). While FetchaDate offers a free version to all users, subscribers can unlock enhanced features like Profile Boost, message your favorites (who may not have matched with you yet), and the ability to add up to 4 pets (real or virtual) for $1.99/week, $2.99/month, or just $15.99/year.

Cliff T.: I know that managing a business like this is hard work, but I bet it's lots of fun to see this platform grow as well. What are you enjoying most about it and has creating this app given you some insights you’ve not had before regarding people and relationships?

Sheryl M.: I LOVE connecting with pet people! They are the best people I know, and we can share stories all day long. I’m excited to assist single pet people to connect for dates and potentially love. I offer private and group coaching programs too.

I’m learning more about posting on social media like TikTok. I can see how that platform is addictive as I catch myself scrolling through hilarious pet people’s videos. We’re holding social media contests too.

Regarding insights, I’ve been adding many relationship topics to the FetchaDate blog. I’m loving it and it’s my mission to help others find love and create healthy relationships and boundaries while inspiring more people to have pets as part of their pack. I couldn’t ever imagine my life without pets (particularly dogs) and I hope to share that love with others.

Cliff T.: I have to say this has been one of the more fun conversations I have had. Sheryl Matthys, thanks so much for taking time out to talk about FetchaDate.

Sheryl M.: Thank you, Cliff!

Sheryl Matthys, Founder of FetchaDate, the dating app for single pet lovers. She’s a former TV news reporter, NYC actress, Amazon best-selling author of Leashes and Lovers, and is a certified dog trainer/sitter who’s gained national media talking about dogs and how they impact our human relationships.  She's been featured on Animal Planet, E!, Bravo, ABC News Now, Fox & Friends, Sirius/XM, and The New York Times.

For more info, visit https://fetchadate.com. The FetchaDate app is available in the Apple Store or on Google Play.

She wrote to us from Indianapolis, IN

Understanding Adult Guardianship - A Candid Conversation With Pamela Wilson

Have you seen the movie I Care A Lot on Prime? I did, quite a disturbing film so much so as a person who is getting closer to my 60's I thought about what happens if I am not able to make decisions for myself and what happens to my family i.e. my wife and other interested family members if I am made a ward.

This movie really did draw attention to the matter of elder abuse and fraud in the system mostly in the US but, I am sure here in Canada. So I reached out to experts in this area and am glad to welcome Advocate, and former Guardian Pamela Wilson to talk about what it is and is not fact re the subject of guardian law.

Pamela welcome to Candid Conversations. I know this is not the most fun topic but it is important and I am very please have you here to discuss this rather prickly topic.

Pam w.: Cliff, thank you. The movie and guardianship is a confusing topic for many reasons.

Cliff T.: Did you see the movie, and if so what was your reaction to it from yourself and other providers and guardians?

Pam w.: I did see the movie. My first reaction was that it is a movie intended to sensationalize and frighten viewers about guardianship. Some people I know were disturbed by the film, and others angry about the court's power over people for whom a guardian is appointed.

Cliff T.: Did you experience any kind of backlash against guardianship due to this film?

Pam w.: I did not. However, there are reputable and caring guardians, just as there as neglectful and abusive guardians. It is important to understand that not all guardians are professionals like the actress portrayed in the film. Many guardians are family members: husbands, wives, sons, or daughters.

Cliff T.: Pamela is it really that easy to gain guardianship of an adult?

Pam w. :No. The film did not accurately portray the petitioning process for a court hearing nor the substantiation necessary to deem an individual incompetent. Additionally, the ward (the woman for whom the guardian was appointed) was not allowed to hire an attorney and appear in court to disagree with the guardianship appointment. Court procedures exist for all guardianship hearings. Depending on the state, here in the United States, the term may be guardian or conservator of the person. So many of the legal aspects of appointing a guardian and the court process are not portrayed in the movie.

Cliff T.: Do the laws differ state to state, or are they pretty much the same when it comes to becoming a guardian and managing the affairs of the ward?

Pam w.: The laws do differ by state. As I mentioned, the terminology can be different as well as the powers granted to the guardian. However, generally, least restrictive means apply. Least restrictive means supporting an individual to be as independent as possible for as long as possible in all aspects of life. Not taking over a person's life as the actress did in the film.

For example, the actress showed up at the woman's home, presented her with legal papers, and immediately moved her out of her home and sold the home and her property. There was no effort by the guardian in the movie to prove that the woman could not live independently or with less restrictive means. Meaning the support of in-home caregivers. It was clear that financial means existed to pay for this type of care. Separately, a provision can be placed in a guardian order, stating a person cannot be moved from the home without first petitioning and gaining approval from the court.

Cliff T.: In this movie the guardian is allowed to and proceeds to seize and sell property and essentially isolate the elders in her care going so far as to have them drugged and confiscating cell phones is that a thing? And what can a guardian do and not do in general?

Pam w.: Cliff, thank you for asking this question. Guardianship or conservatorship grant broad and far-reaching powers, which is why this movie is controversial. Any individual appointed as a guardian who has poor intentions or no experience with the legal responsibilities plus who has no oversight—meaning no one watching over the guardian's actions—can do great harm.

In most situations where the ward's home is sold, an experienced professional guardian will petition the court for approval. Additionally, an inventory of all assets is reported to the court as well as how funds are spent. So the diamonds portrayed in the movie would have been disclosed.

On the topic of drugging a person and denying access to communicate with family and friends this was also misleading. Guardians do have control over medical decision making that includes medications. An inexperienced guardian can certainly do harm by making bad medical decisions—this can happen in any situation where a person needs care. Most care communities, especially nursing homes have regulations that regularly review medications that can be harmful for the elderly and support discontinuing these medications.

With respect to denying visitation, professional guardianship guidelines support contact with family. This is an area where there is a lot of concern and news in the press about celebrities has brought positive attention to the issue. One celebrity daughter, Catherine Falk, has been an advocate for the rights of family visitation in guardianship cases. The Peter Falk law was passed years ago and many of the states in the U.S. have adopted their own versions of the law.

Cliff T.: We know that there is a need for guardians, adults lose capacity this happens, what is the best way to deal with this reality? Pamela, when should a guardianship be considered? And should it be done via a professional like yourself or via family?

Pam w.: Cliff, this is a topic that we could talk about this for hours. I have an online webinar course How to Get Guardianship of a Parent that discusses the difference between being an agent under a medical power of attorney versus a guardian, when or why guardianship is necessary, and the court process.

I will answer from the perspective of being proactive to avoid the events occurring in the movie. Discussions about legal responsibilities to make decisions about health and money should happen long before individuals need care. Persons wishing to direct their healthcare and money management—when they can no longer manage this themselves—can initiate legal documents to appoint an agent under a medical or financial power of attorney to act for them. The document can stipulate that the agent is to be appointed as the guardian or conservator if this becomes necessary.

The critical factor is for the principal (the person appointing the agent) to have full faith that the agent has the experience and knowledge to act as the principal desires or would have done for him or herself. This gap in trust—or lack of creating legal documents before a diagnosis of mental incapacity—is the reason that professional guardians are appointed instead of family members. In some cases, there may be no family or any personal contacts willing to accept the responsibility and a professional is appointed.

Cliff T.: I would say that there are lots of truths and falsehoods regarding guardianship, can you give us a top 5 what is true and what is not true re guardianship?

Pam w.: My apologies, this is not a question that I can answer without going into lengthy explanations. I will be doing your audience a disservice—much like the movie—if I give brief responses. Let me answer from two perspectives that address the controversy about this film.

The first is that because guardianship and conservatorship are serious legal responsibilities, obtaining these powers requires a court process with a great deal of documentation and substantiation for the need for a guardian of the elderly. Judges, attorneys, guardians, and care communities are not in collusion like the movie depicts to take away the rights of the elderly.

Second, family members watching this film with experience with adult protective services or the court system may find the movie offering valid concerns about how powerless individuals or families can feel when guardianship petitions are submitted to the court. A common question asked by caregivers is can adult protective services put my parent into a nursing home?

If elder abuse or self-neglect exists—because an elderly person cannot take care of him or herself or lacks mental capacity to make good decisions about health—and family is not willing or able to provide care—then adult protective services or the police may become involved. A guardianship petition may be submitted to the court to protect and move an older adult into a situation where care is provided.

My personal experience with these situations is that family members lack the experience to notice when a parent has Alzheimer's or dementia and may need care. Add to this not wanting to argue or disagree with a parent who denies needing help. These family situations can become very conflictive and adult children or a spouse may feel powerless and not know what to do. This can be when a neighbor makes a report to the county about neglect and adult protectives services or the police become involved. Family members can feel this involvement to be intrusive or over reaching.

Cliff T.: Pamela you were a guardian for quite some time. What do you want to say to people who may be looking into this, how would you prepare families to deal with this so the risk of something going wrong is not high?

Pam w.: Talking about the potential need for care before care is needed is the way to be prepared for eventually needing care. Discussions about aging, needing care, or dying are uncomfortable. Caregiving most often happens because of an emergency like a hip fracture or another health issue. Then families are scrambling, trying to figure out what to do.

Dealing with the legal, healthcare and financial systems can be intimidating. All are involved when care is needed. Consulting with an eldercare expert or a care manager can give families the knowledge and confidence they need to become advocates and manage care situations.

Cliff T.: How did you get involved in this line of work and what was it like to be a guardian?

Pam w.: I became involved in this specialty area because of family experience and a sincere desire to help older adults. I enjoyed being a guardian because of the positive effect I had on the lives of my clients, many of whom had no one devoted to their care. It is important for anyone considering this role to know that it is a serious legal responsibility. I was available 24/7 to respond to unexpected events and to make life and death decisions. Being a guardian is not for everyone. It can be time-consuming and emotionally draining for many family members.

Cliff T.: I bet you met some very interesting people along the way, what did you enjoy about doing this work and what are you doing now to help people who need care and those providing care?

Pam w: My gift in doing this work is being a problem-solver. Because I have been working in this area for over twenty years, I have a breadth of experience with the industry—working with hospitals, nursing homes, home health, hospice, palliative care, the legal system, financial planners and others—that is valuable to family members and aging adults to help them plan and manage care. I am a caregiver subject matter expert who today seeks to educate family caregivers, and companies and groups who have a desire to offer their employees and members information and education about caregiving and aging.

Cliff T.: There is so much information on this subject. What resources can you provide to help people understand how this works and what they can do to help themselves and loved ones?

Pam w.: On the topic of guardianship specifically, each state in the United States has probate divisions at the county level. This is one place to begin and seek information. Consulting with a professional guardian can offer additional insights into the responsibilities of being a guardian or a conservator. Elder law, probate, or estate planning attorneys are also good contacts to understand the legal process of guardianship that is missing from the film.

Then additionally, my website, PamelaDWilson.com. Consumers will find my caregiving library, caregiver blog, my weekly podcast called The Caring Generation, my book The Caregiving Trap: Solutions for Life’s Unexpected changes, online courses about taking care of elderly parents and guardianship and the ability to schedule an eldercare consultation with me. Additionally, my YouTube channel also features hundreds of videos about caregiving and aging.

Cliff T.: Pamela thank you for giving some insights on this topic. It's greatly appreciated.

Pam w.: Cliff, it’s been my pleasure. I hope I was able to alleviate concerns by anyone watching the movie I Care A Lot that the information portrayed in the movie is fiction—not fact. My recommendation is that when in doubt always seek information to become more educated rather than being swayed by information in a movie or in the press.

Pamela Wilson MS, BS/BA, CSA, NCG Caregiving & Health Expert, Advocate and Speaker. Her site, https://pameladwilson.com/, is a great place to visit with a great deal of knowledge about the topic of caregiving and related topics. Her website listed above has a lot of good information on the subject. Pamela wrote to us from somewhere in Colorado.

NOTE: We are not saying that I Care A Lot is a bad movie, but it is fiction with a lot of factors and facts not entered into the mix. I recommend that if you watch the movie you watch with a skeptical view. Ask questions and seek legal and medical advice before making any decisions regarding elder care.